Hops and Box Office Flops

Wild Wild West – So Many Spiders

Oh Wild Wild West, how did it go so wrong? Will Smith was literally crushing it in the years leading up to the epic Western misfire.
He'd embodied the cool renegade cop with Bad Boys; he'd conquered invading lifeforms twice with Independence Day and Men in Black (MIB); and he'd even bested corrupt federal agents in Enemy of the State.
Wild Wild West was meant to be yet another high in his meteoric rise—particularly since it reunited him with the director of MIB, Barry Sonnenfeld. Alas, it was not meant to be, and not even a catchy tie-in song could save it.
A tonal mess, Wild Wild West earned the scorn of critics (17% on Rotten Tomatoes with 131 reviews) and was utterly dismissed by fans (28%). It grossed just $222.1 million on a production budget of $170 million. If you take into account marketing—and there was plenty—it probably cost upward of $300 million. 
Being a financial and critical flop is bad enough, but earning eight Razzie nominations—five wins, including Worst Picture—is just the mushy cherry on top.
This movie was indeed the summer of 1999's punching bag. Some would argue rightfully so. The ending, which includes Will Smith belly dancing and a 100-foot tall hydraulic war machine spider, is as bad as any 30 minutes there has ever been in a big budget film. That's not an exaggeration.
The climactic portion of Wild Wild West is an undeniable mess; and it unfortunately detracts from what was a semi-enjoyable—albeit derivative—mismatched buddy adventure. Thanks, Jon Peters.
To ignore the clear and baffling influence of Hollywood's most infamous hair dresser, one must consume a few cold ones. So sit back, fire open a Sun & Steel from Robinsons Brewery with a six-gun, and hop aboard a steam punk arachnid! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are riding Artemus Gordon's gadget train across the U.S. to track down the disreputable Arliss Loveless!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – A Will Smith movie finishing 17th at the domestic box office in 1999 would've sounded implausible then. This one accomplished that feat. (00:00)
The Jim West Tamin' the West Trivia Challenge – I challenge Capt. Cash and Chumpzilla to a series of Wild Wild West-themed questions. (54:54)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week, and next up: Our 2020, "I can't believe this shit is happening" special, Idiocracy. (1:06:43)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the perils of working with Peters and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, and iHeartRadio!

Mallrats – Stay Off the Escalator, Kids

Mallrats is a cult classic. Kevin Smith's second big screen movie—a follow up to the indie darling Clerks—it was afforded the perks of its successors' accolades. Those mainly being a bigger budget and a studio push.
That unfortunately did not translate into receipts. With $6 million at his disposal, Smith certainly does make use of the funds. His movie just didn't earn them back. Its total haul was a dismal $2.12 million and change.
That aside, and like much of what eventually became Smith's Askewniverse, it is beloved. That is due to its abundance of witticisms; the undeniable charisma of Jason Lee—who slays in his first major role as Brodie Bruce; and its deserved placement among seminal 1990s films.
Make no mistake, this is a 90s movie. The setting illustrates that better than I ever could. And as a piece of 90s nostalgia, there are certainly elements of it that are dated in some unsavory ways.
Despite that, though, there is just too much fun to be had with Mallrats. Whether its the inane conversations about the sex lives of superheroes, the charming cameo from the late, great Stan Lee, or the reoccurring gags with Brodie's platoon of mall-faring miscreants, you will never be short of insane scenarios to laugh at.
So sit back, pour yourself a dab of All Day IPA from Founder's Brewing into a dixie cup—no ice—and stare as hard as humanly possible at a Magic Eye! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and a special guest are grilling the second suitor about their ideal first date!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Mallrats is a quintessential 90s film, but does it hold up? (00:00)
The Mallrats Trivia Challenge – Capt. Cash challenges us to a series of Askewniverse-related trivia questions. (1:13:56)
Recommendations – Next up: "We going straight to the Wild Wild West!" (1:34:41)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the casting what-ifs and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, and iHeartRadio!

Hackers – Crash and Burn

Hackers is the 1990s personified. From its aesthetic to its central narrative, everything in it screams the decade that it's rooted in. This is both a good and a bad thing. In terms of nostalgia, there is certainly plenty.
And like most high school films of its era, it features a young, attractive cast of up and comers — Johnny Lee Miller, Angelina Jolie, and Matthew Lillard, to name a few.  
The trouble is: None of it is relatable or compelling. There is a diverse set of characters, but they aren't particularly deep. The script just doesn't flesh them out. Aside from being anti-authority, a staple of teenage movies, there isn't much else known about them. They like hacking, rollerblading, and smoking; a lot of bones are burned through — sometimes two at a time. Admittedly, two of these things were once actually cool.
It has also never been interesting to watch people type furiously. They did try and stylize this effect, using three-dimensional models to simulate the interworking of a computer, but, alas, it is still just people hurriedly smacking keys that for some reason echo.
That lack of depth is why the movie probably flopped, earning just $7.5 million on a budget of $20 million. Its poor performance is somewhat surprising, though. It had the elements to be a hit — mainly those mentioned above — like the hip cast and the thematic use of computers to stick it to the man.
And, if you're a child of the 90s, it is sort of fun as a time capsule piece. As silly as all the computer elements may seem now, it's hilarious to reflect on how things used to be.
So sit back, splice into a Rewired IPA from Red Hare Brewing, and lace up those rollerblades! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and special guest Mayor McCheese are hacking into the Gibson to take down an egomaniacal corporate security stooge who hangs out with a magician!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Unfortunately for Hackers, its presentation of groundbreaking technology is quite dated; but does that make it any less enjoyable? (00:00)
The Mess with the Best, Die Like the Rest Trivia Challenge – I challenge the crew to trivia centered around the movie. (1:03:58)
Recommendations – Next up: We do what all teens of the 90s did and head to our local shopping mall to hang out and have mindless conversations about all sorts of inconsequential topics. It's Mallrats! (1:11:46)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—how the film's production took over a local high school and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, and iHeartRadio!

The Big Lebowski – The Pod Abides

The Big Lebowski—as shocking as it may seem today—was not a smash hit upon its release in March of 1998. Far from it, in fact.
On a budget of $15 million, it grossed barely over $17 million domestically. Its worldwide cume was a shade over $46.
Written and directed by the Coen Brothers, The Big Lebowski's box office struggles are sort of surprising. After all, it was their follow up to Best Picture nominee Fargo (which was actually nominated for seven Oscars). And in the aftermath of its release, they've gone on to win Best Picture (No Country for Old Men) and be nominated for it two other times (A Serious Man and True Grit).
Perhaps, the public just wasn't sure what to make of our beloved, apathetic hero. Lebowski, the other Jeffrey Lebowski, is a complicated case. There are a lot of ins, lot of outs, lot of what have yous.
But regardless of its odd path to success, the numbers for this movie are inconsequential. It has become iconic, even spawning an annual festival in its honor.
As for the movie itself, it is infinitely quotable; exceptionally casted; written and acted so well it is beyond any measure of reason; and boasts a soundtrack that even the Dude himself would approve of. So bleeping far out, man!
So sit back, mix yourself a fine White Russian, and shine those bowling shoes! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and a special guest are exploring the merits of nihilism because it's just so much damn simpler to believe in nothing!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Transcending its once cult status, The Big Lebowski is a legitimately fantastic film, whose place in the pantheons of great comedies is well earned. (00:00)
Lingering Question – We all love this movie, but do we differ on whether or not it has become overrated recently? (1:17:39)
The Dude Abides Trivia Challenge – Chumpzilla challenges the field to a quiz covering all things Lebowski. (1:34:17)
Recommendations – Next up: We clock the dial back a tick, as our journey through 90s rolls on with the not-so-classic computer caper Hackers! (1:40:20)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the casts' continued love of their roles and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, and iHeartRadio!

Warcraft – Bone Dragons for the Win

Warcraft is a peculiar study. For one, it’s the highest grossing video game film of all-time. It did cost $160 million, but, regardless, it made over $439 million. That sum would seem like a win, yet according to reporting, it needed over $450 million to break even.
Though close, it apparently wasn’t close enough. Plans for a sequel have been scuttled—an outcome that further hurts an already weak film. Warcraft, unlike most video game adaptations, is slavish in its devotion to the property.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but when the plot is sacrificed in favor of boundless exposition, it can be problematic. For a fantasy film full of rich lore, the characters are not at all interesting. In fact, the humans are just a flat out bore. 
The orcs have similar issues, but unlike their human counterparts, they do masterfully display where the budget for Warcraft went. The creature design and CGI on them is top notch. It’s a shame that it is largely wasted on a movie that’s so insistent on its world-building that it fails to give the viewers a reason to care about the universe they painstakingly constructed.
The most mind boggling part of its ineptitude is that is was directed by Duncan Jones. Jones, fresh off of Moon and Source Code—both critical darlings—seemed to be the best man for the job. And he clearly understands how to craft a compelling narrative. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be.
Well, anyway, it could be worse. At least we weren’t sent into the Mak’gora to fight for our lives. So sit back, hack open a Dragon’s Milk Stout from New Holland Brewing, and Lo’ktar O’gar! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are calling upon the guardian’s fel magic to wage war with the horde!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – If you think the movie is convoluted, just wait until we try and dissect it. (00:00)
Lingering Question – Warcraft was a mess, but an ambitious one. Did it deserve a sequel? (1:10:16)
Recommendations – Next up: We Set the dial on the hot tub time for the 1990s, beginning our ode to the decade with The Big Lebowski! (1:34:39)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—Chumpzilla’s Azeroth deep dive and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, and iHeartRadio!

The Legend of Chun-Li – A Spinning Bird Kick to the Senses

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li somehow manages to be the worst big screen adaptation of the franchise. The 1994 film starring Jean-Claude Van Damme wasn't a huge hit and was most certainly not critically beloved. Thus, Chun-Li had a low bar to clear, but it still could not do it.
It made less money—$12.8 million vs $99.4 million—and couldn't even cross the 10% threshold critics set for 94's. It sits at just 5% on Rotten Tomatoes with a viewer average of 18%.
To quote film historian Leonard Maltin, "The 1994 movie was one of the worst films ever inspired by a video game; it should have been titled Four Hundred Funerals and No Sex. Yet this bomb makes it predecessor seem like Gone With the Wind."
Yes, it is that bad. Its script is bland; its characters are underwritten; and it's a martial arts movie where the fight scenes and choreography just aren't good. For a game known for its flying fisticuffs, that's quite a predicament.
Chun-Li's issues with what should be its signature moments is a little befuddling. It was directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak—who'd served as the cinematographer on several high-profile movies and had also helmed other movies in this genre. Not to say that Cradle to the Grave and Romeo Must Die are excellent or anything, but they're certainly more competent than this.
In Chun-Li, the action scenes are hacked to death, quick cutting from one moment to the next. And when Chun-Li finally unleashes her iconic "Spinning Bird Kick," it's lost in the haze of a diluted camera filter.
These problems are entirely attributable to the movie's casting. From Neal McDonough as an Irish M. Bison to Taboo (yes, the guy from the Black Eyed Peas) as Vega to Kristen Kreuk as the titular hero, it's sort of a nightmare. Their lack of training and martial arts acumen are far too apparent.
Save for Chris Klein, who's the only person who seems to understand the kind of movie he's in, as Charlie Nash and Robin Shou as Gen, the movie would be virtually unwatchable.
Robin, you deserved better. So sit back, spin-kick the cap off of a Tsingtao from Tsingtao Brewery, and polish up your Hadouken! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are taking to the streets to throw down with M. Bison and his magical tiger fists!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Well, it does have characters with the same names of their actual Street Fighter counterparts. (00:00)
The World Warriors Trivia Fight: Round 1 – I challenge Capt. Cash and Chumpzilla to a series of Street Fighter-themed questions. (1:19:20)
Recommendations – Next up: We dive headfirst into the fantastical realm of Azeroth with Warcraft! (1:34:57)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—Vega's terrible costume and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, and iHeartRadio!

Postal – Burn it All Down

Uwe Boll is infamous for his poor video game adaptations. To date, he has made over 10 of them—including BloodRayne and its sequels, as well as House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. Postal is his magnum opus. It's a giant middle finger to the critics who've lambasted his work throughout his career, and it pulls zero punches.
From an opening that pokes fun at 9/11 to Verne Troyer meeting his maker via chimpanzee defilement, it is as tasteless a film as you'll ever encounter.
That is clearly by design. Postal, the game for which the movie is based, is primarily known for its unfettered violence—think Grand Theft Auto without a coherent narrative to buoy its less seemly mechanics. It may have a cult following, but it was not what most would consider popular.
It should as come as no surprise then that the movie flopped. It, like the game, was hindered by its wanton nihilism. Released on only four screens in the U.S., Postal grossed just $146,741. It also sits at a measly 9% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Though it's not devoid of salient ideas—the dangers of religious fanaticism, for example—the execution never lands. And the movie pinballs from one abhorrent joke to another, failing to ever stop to consider how awful everything it's presenting actually is. Despite that, its failure did little to prevent Boll from continuing to direct movies—an oddity of the industry that will never not be baffling. 
Listen, you can watch this, but just remember: We did warn you not to. So sit back, blast open a Steel Reserve from Steel Brewing Co., and stay the hell away from Little Germany! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are smuggling a crate of Krotchy Dolls into the U.S. to prevent a country-wide pandemic!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – How does one describe a movie that is in such poor taste? Well, we give it the old college try. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Aside from the obvious, "why?" there are some actual questions to be answered. (56:03)
The "Raging" Boll Trivia Challenge – Chumpzilla challenges us to trivia centered around this movie, as well as the rest of Uwe Boll's schlock portfolio. (1:19:32)
Recommendations – Next up: We hail all the world warriors! It's time to fight our way to the end of our video game series with Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li! (1:31:02)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the game that inspired the film and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, and iHeartRadio!

Super Mario Bros. – Flushed Down the Warp Pipe

Super Mario Bros. is a travesty. It reimagines the colorful sprites of the Mushroom Kingdom as a grimy, dystopian nightmare world.
It's an interpretation where Bowser has more on his mind than simple kidnapping. In this cyberpunk acid trip, President Koopa—played by Dennis Hopper as just a guy in a suit—has graduated to despot. He's a fascist dictator on a quest to ethnically cleanse the people of Earth.
This all may sound like an exaggeration, but it isn't. Super Mario Bros. is oppressively grim, rarely funny, and oddly horny for what is meant to be a kids' movie. Worst of all, it lacks almost any of the hallmarks of the storied franchise.
Sure, there are visual cues here and there; but it squanders the license in unimaginable ways. The familiar music is nearly nonexistent; the Goombas are ten-foot tall hell spawn with shrunken heads; and the Shy Guys are leather-clad freaks ripped straight from Mad Max. It's a truly mind boggling exercise in Hollywood failing to understand what makes a property so beloved.
They paid millions just for the rights to develop the film, and they bought it on the title alone; there wasn't even a script. So it's sort of hard to fathom how they came to this cringe-worthy amalgamation of ideas.
Audiences, critics, and the stars agreed. This film was lambasted. And despite being based on one of the most lucrative video games in existence, it failed to even recoup its budget. It grossed just $35 million on a budget of $48 million.
As for the stars, Hopper was apparently miserable on set, berating the directors for the constant rewrites and dearth of clear direction. Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo—who played the titular brothers—resorted to drinking to soldier through the madness.
We all feel your pain. But, sometimes, you have to see things to believe that they inexplicably exist. So sit back, wrench open a Pixels IPA from Seminar Brewing, and reload those Thwomp Stompers! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are heading to Dinohattan to de-evolve President Koopa and then dance the night away with reptilian strippers!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – How far can a film stray from the property that inspired it? Well, we wish we'd never found out. (00:00)
The Shit Movie Championship Showdown – This is indeed a terrible movie, but is it bad enough to take down our reigning champion, The Adventures of Pluto Nash? (1:15:26)
The Super Mario Bros. Trivia Challenge – Capt. Cash dials up his magic flute to dazzle us with trivia related to this epic misfire. (1:28:00)
Recommendations – Next up: With the fungus of Dinohattan in our collective rearview, we sally forth to the baffling stupidity that is Uwe Boll's Postal! (1:39:30)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the debauchery of the Mario Bros. and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, and iHeartRadio!

Congo – Smart Gorillas, Dumb Script

Congo, released in June of 1995, came hot on the heels of the mega hit Jurassic Park. Like that film, Congo was based on a novel by Michael Crichton. It was also a globe-trotting adventure big on effects and boasting aggressive animals to escape.
That, in essence, is where the similarities end. Those correlations, though, were enough for the studio to mass market Congo as if it were the next must-see summer attraction. They spent nearly $100 million burrowing this movie into the psyche of impressionable children; a number that was nearly double its production budget.
The campaign included a board game, multiple awful video games, generic action figures, and even a gnarly looking burrito from Taco Bell. In short, expectations were high. Yet, there was one inescapable hurdle: The movie just isn't very good; and for a film that sells you on murderous gorillas, there is a distinct lack of them.
Unlike Jurassic Park—which does its damndest to bring dinosaurs back to life—Congo fails to create that same aura around its gruesome gorillas. Worse, it doesn't really know what it wants to be. Marketed to kids, but written for adults, it waffles between tones, never settling on one for too long. It's poorly paced, nonsensically scripted, and under delivers on its initial promise of blood-soaked tension and terror.
There is no whimsy to these maniacal apes. Thus, a film that could've been Aliens in the jungles of the Congo is instead a half-baked adventure story, jam packed with overacting and bad accents. The latter of which renders it so silly that it may actually be worthy of cult status.
So sit back, sheer off the top of a Sonoran White Chocolate Ale from the Sonoran Brewing Co. with a diamond-powered laser, and stop eating our sesame cake! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are rolling up our sleeves to go toe-to-toe with some skull crushing monsters with an affinity for high-priced minerals!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Diamonds are forever; this movie's appeal is not. Yes, it is bad, but is it so bad that it's good? (00:00)
Fact or Fiction: The Lost City of Zinj – I challenge Capt. Cash and Chumpzilla to a series of Congo-related trivia questions. (1:00:38)
Recommendations – Next up: We begin our brave trek down the perilous road of terrible video game adaptations with Super Mario Bros.! (1:12:54)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the extremely dated tie-in commercials and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, and iHeartRadio!