Hops and Box Office Flops

Three Thousand Years of Longing – Not Worth the Wait

Three Thousand Years of Longing is George Miller's much anticipated return to cinemas. Post Mad Max: Fury Road, expectations were high for his next project.
Sadly, Three Thousand Years of Longing can't live up to the lofty expectations of its filmmaker's predecessor. It's not a bad movie by any means; but its tale of a lonely woman finding love and purpose through an ancient Djinn isn't exactly compelling either.
Apparently, audiences agreed. On a budget of $60 million, it failed to pass even $20 million. In essence, Three Thousand Years of Longing couldn't conjure the magic Miller and co. hoped it would.
Now, sit back, fulfill your thirst desires with a Desert Magic IPA from Mudshark Brewing, and be careful what you wish for! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are scouring Istanbul for a genie in a bottle!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – What would you wish for? (00:00)
Lingering Questions – And, now, what would we wish for? (19:40)
The "Sugar Lump" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast wins the Genie on a Pole match, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (37:00)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We conclude "Hops and Massive 2022 Flops," with the ridiculously stupid, Moonfall! (46:16)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—this film's lore and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

The Northman – Naked Volcano Fight

The Northman is a wild, Viking fever dream. So, if you're a fan of their mythology and lore, you will probably love it.
If not, then The Northman is a tough one to recommend. It is loaded with weird imagery and historical Viking rituals that will make little to no sense if you're not familiar with them.
Hence, it's disappointing box office return. It grossed just $69.6 million on a budget of $90 million. Though those numbers were both highs for director Robert Eggers, the former makes it a flop.
Despite its financial stumble, The Northman is a wonderful film to look at. Shot in various locations across Europe, it is, quite simply, a beautiful film. Sadly, that visual splendor is muddled by the morally grey characters who inhabit it.
Regardless, it is a film that boasts two naked men fighting in a volcano; and that's just not something you get to see every day.
Now, sit back, hack open an Icelandic White Ale from Einstok Beer Co., and consult the severed head of wisdom! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are howling at the moon in our underwear!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Conquer your fate! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – We discuss why this film failed to find commercial success. (39:32)
The "War Raven" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast hits someone with a knattleikr stick, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (59:56)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Massive 2022 Flops," with a tale centuries in the making, Three Thousand Years of Longing! (1:09:14)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—Egger's desire for more full frontal combat and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Black Adam – It’s Electrifying

Black Adam was supposed to change the hierarchy of the DC Universe. Instead, it tanked with critics and couldn't conjure enough magic at the box office to earn a sequel.
Thus, it appears the Rock's long awaited appearance as the anti-hero is a one and done. Frankly, that kind of sucks because Black Adam is an entertaining movie. It's a flawed one, to be sure, but watching the titular hero mow down bad guys is a hell of a lot of fun.
Throw in an exceptional Pierce Brosnan portrayal of Dr. Fate, as well as a more than capable Hawkman adaptation (played by Aldis Hodge), and the groundwork for a bigger, better sequel was laid.
Alas, it is not meant to be. Grossing just $392.6 million on a budget north of $200 million, Black Adam couldn't prove its worth to the new DC higher ups. Bummer.
Now, sit back, electrify your taste buds with a Black Butte Porter from Deschutes, and tell them the man in black sent you! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are rallying Kahndaq to fight the undead army of Sabbac!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The world needed a hero. It got Black Adam. The time of heroes is over! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – We bid a fond farewell to Hop Nation USA, and then we discuss how badass it would've been to see Superman throw down with the Rock. (35:59)
The "Teth-Adam" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast wins a battle royal against Amanda Waller's goons, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (1:06:54)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Massive 2022 Flops," with a tale of bloody, Viking revenge, The Northman! (1:18:52)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the Rock's big DC pitch and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

The Wizard – It’s So Bad

The Wizard is a needlessly dark road trip movie about a young boy trying to find closure after the death of his twin sister.
The rest of the movie doesn't seem to understand that because that portion of the plot was written at the last minute, so it plays much more like a kids version of Rain Man, where the older brother exploits his younger, video game master brother for his own financial gain. Literally.
The Wizard, as it juggles it darker elements, also serves as a commercial for Nintendo.
An antagonist sports the Power Glove; it boasts several scenes of the titular boy wonder excelling at arcade games that are actually their Nintendo versions; and it culminates in a video game tournament, where Super Mario Bros. 3 is the championship game.
Sounds like a lot of fun, except The Wizard isn't. And somehow, the lovable (before he was problematic) Fred Savage is just an annoying asshole throughout.
Now, sit back, pick up and put down an Arcade IPA from Knee Deep Brewing Co., and beware of the Power Glove ... It's so bad! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are hitching a ride in a Hostess truck to fulfill our dreams of video game glory!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – It's more than a game ... It's the chance of a lifetime! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss what games we would excel at in Video Armageddon. (23:44)
The "I Love the Power Glove" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast enters a cheat code to win, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (40:50)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We begin 2023 with "Hops and Massive 2022 Flops," talking the film that failed to truly change the hierarchy of power in DC, Black Adam! (49:48)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—Shout Factory's awesome blu-ray release and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Mars Attacks! – Ak Ak

Mars Attacks! is based upon a series of Topps trading cards released in the early 1960s. And it certainly pays homage to its inspiration.
Unfortunately, its also a narrative mess that fails to get the most out of its stacked cast. Mars Attacks! features an all-star lineup. It's got Jack Nicholson in two roles, Jim Brown, Joe Don Baker, Annette Bening, Glenn Close, Michael J. Fox, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Pierce Brosnan, just to name a few.
And, yes, their presence is felt, but outside of Nicholson, who's terrific as a Las Vegas Huckster and the President, they all have nothing to do.
That is the great failing of Mars Attacks! It wants to do a lot without really doing anything at all. It's all just empty spectacle—little green CGI men conquering a hapless earth.
Hence why it received middling to negative reviews—56% on Rotten Tomatoes with 86 of them—and was beheaded like an annoying chihuahua at the box office. On a budget of $100 million, Mars Attacks! raked in just north of $101 million worldwide.
The losses on that are enough to make a financier's head explode like a martian listening to Slim Whitman.
Now, sit back, disintegrate a Double County Double IPA from Dry County Brewing, and do not trust the martians! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are optimistic about still having two out of the three branches of government. That ain't bad!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Nice planet. We'll take it! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss assess why this movie flopped. (36:14)
The "They Blew Up Congress!" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast pins a red skeleton, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:07:12)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We finish "Hops and All I Want for Christmas Flops" with 1989's blatant Nintendo commercial, The Wizard! (1:17:09)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the current value of the cards and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

GI Joe: The Movie – At Ease, Disease

GI Joe: The Movie was meant for big things. Like Transformers and My Little Pony, it would be the property's big screen debut. The failures of those two prevented it from ever getting the chance, though. Even worse, it was meant to serve as a lead-in to the third season of the television show that, ultimately, never happened. Well, it sort of did, but far later and with a different animation studio at the helm.
Essentially, it's all a big "what if?", but if you love the toys, then the odds are good you will love GI Joe: The Movie. It introduces a host of new Cobra and Joe characters to enjoy and even builds upon the lore of how Cobra came to be.
Cobra-La, as silly and odd as it is, is visually interesting, and its central characters—Golobulus, Pythona, and Nemesis Enforcer—are all extremely cool. Throw in Sgt. Slaughter's Marauders, and you've got yourself a damn good time.
Plus, GI Joe: The Movie has a sick opening song set to a battle at the Statue of Liberty! It's a banger, folks.
Now, sit back, toast to America with a Space Camper Red Spectra IPA from Boulevard Brewing Co., and start your trek to the Slaughter House! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake were once men!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Fighting for freedom wherever there's trouble! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss our favorite real American heroes. (32:47)
The "Yo Joe!" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast spars with Beach Head, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the cartoon series. (48:26)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue off "Hops and All I Want for Christmas Flops" with the Mars Attacks! (57:43)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the incredible toy line and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

RIPD – Here Come the Men in Flak

RIPD— the Rest in Peace Department—is based upon a comic of the same name. We're not sure about the source material, but the film is just a unabashed Men in Black ripoff.
There's the wisecracking rookie who's new to the job; and the crotchety old vet who's stuck with him. Their job is to protect the earth from monstrous spirits, or deados, who walk among them, avoiding their fate in the afterlife.
So, let's run this down. Secret government agency? Check. Young, quippy star? Check. Elder curmudgeon? Check. And plot that revolves around said agency protecting the unsuspecting public from a threat they have no idea exists? Check.
Thus, RIPD is just a 2013 version of a 1997 film, and in no way is that a compliment. Why? Well, because most of it does not work. And it's central elements are just grifted from better movies. The villain, played hammily by the great Kevin Bacon, is essentially just the budget Gozer from Ghostbusters.
With all that in mind, you can probably guess that this flopped and was buried by critics. On a budget estimated to be as high as $154 million, it earned a putrid $78.3 million. It's 12% on Rotten Tomatoes is also as moldy as one of the deados who's been hiding out on earth for too long.
Now, sit back, enjoy the after life with a Dead 'N' Dead from Rogue, and stay frosty! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and a special guest are hunting down evil Kevin Bacon in the mean streets of Boston!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – They're defending our world one soul at a time! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we all choose our RIPD avatars. (30:37)
The "Sounds Like an STD" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast handcuffs some deados, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (49:29)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We kick off "Hops and All I Want for Christmas Flops" with the GI Joe: The Movie! (58:27)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the direct to Netflix sequel and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Mystery, Alaska – The Mighty Yuks

Mystery, Alaska is a classic underdog tale. The small town who lives for hockey is thrust into the spotlight when given the opportunity to faceoff against the NHL's New York Rangers (those rascally Rags).
Starring Russel Crowe— who was at the peak of his leading man powers—as sheriff/defenseman John Biebe, the movie centers on the sleepy Alaskan town of Mystery. It's a place that takes pride in many things, but hockey is really its treasure.
Thus, when the opportunity arises for them to play the aforementioned Rags, the town is abuzz. Throw in some drama around old romances, unfaithful spouses, leaky locker room betrayal, and an old curmudgeon who needs a reason to love the game again, you've got yourself the recipe for a great sports film.
Unfortunately, those ingredients did not equate to critical or box office success. Earning just $8.9 million on a budget of $28 million, Mystery, Alaska was a flop. And being drubbed by critics—37% with 82 reviews on Rotten Tomatoes—was unwarranted and nastier than a crosscheck to the face.
But, fear not, Mystery, Alaska is well worth a watch; and over time, it has garnered a devout following. That is no doubt due to its charming cast, who all feel like an actual team. You just can't help, but root for them.
Now, sit back, high stick an Amber Alt-Style Ale from Alaskan Brewing Co., and keep your head up! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash and a special guest are skating the river to prep for our showdown with the Rags!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – A small town on the outskirts of greatness! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we debate which Mystery player would be the best hang. (23:39)
The "Saturday Game" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast wrestles the Goon, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (54:37)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We finish "Hops and Heartthrob Flops" with the comic book disaster, RIPD! (1:07:50)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the recent cast reunion and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Necessary Roughness – Welcome to Foot ... Balls

Necessary Roughness is very much just Major League on the gridiron, featuring a ragtag group of footballers who must rise to the occasion in the face of great adversity. And it's 100% a 90s gem.
Necessary Roughness is sort of the sequel to The Program we never got. In it, the Texas State Armadillos are mired in scandals.
As a result, their team has all had their scholarships revoked, leaving the university to cobble together a team of never weres. Enter, Paul Blake, played by the remarkably handsome Scott Bakula. He's a long forgotten QB who sacrificed his shot at glory to tend to the family farm.
Alongside a crew of literal misfits—including a ninja, a war enthusiast, and guy who couldn't catch a cold—Blake must defy the odds. Oh, and since it's the 90s, he also has to fall in love. That's just science.
You'll laugh; you'll cry; and I'll make you a promise: If TSU gets into that end zone, you're going to feel no pain.
Now, sit back, root for your team with a Holiday Cheer from Shiner, and always go for two! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and a special guest are throwing bows at Billy Bob's with the a-holes from the Texas Colts!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – This gang of loners, loonies, and losers is about to become something they've never been before ... a team! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we debate who the greatest fictional QB of all time is. (24:51)
The "Iron Man Football" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast commits several personal fouls, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (48:09)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Heartthrob Flops" with the comic book disaster, RIPD! (1:02:48)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the oral history of Necessary Roughness and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!