Hops and Box Office Flops

Alien Covenant – Demented David’s Dungeon of Curiosities

Alien Covenant was sort of damned from the beginning. As a direct sequel to the divisive Prometheus, it was continuing a story half the audience had no desire to see. Moreover, they probably also had zero interest in learning where the Xenomorphs came from.
Those are significant hurdles when that is exactly what the movie is about. Sorry, Sir Ridley. Thus, like its predecessor, your mileage on Alien Covenant will vary. In the case of this podcast, it is near polar opposites.
Alien Covenant may center on a ship of colonists on course for a new home, but it is David's story. Yes, that David. The android we last saw as a head without a body. It is his continued tinkering with the black goo that finally creates the Xenomorph as we first saw it.
Hence, why this movie saw Prometheus' divisiveness and said, "Hold my beer." Did we actually need an origin story for the slimy, feral aliens who thrive on violence and mayhem? Well, we got one. And to that question, it seems the general audience felt they did not. On a budget estimated to be just over $100 million, Alien Covenant grossed just $240.9 million worldwide.
Now, sit back, modify your DNA with a Cosmic Mutant IPA from Oskar Blues, and keep your nose out of that egg! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are inhaling alien spores to see who experiences the most gnarly death!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The path to paradise begins in hell! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – With Ridley Scott's conclusion shelved, we debate whether he should've gotten to finish it. (47:56)
The "Paradise Lost" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast gets double-crossed by the David/Walter switch, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (1:17:08)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We kick off "Hops and Franchise Entry Flops," with the painfully bad Robocop 3! (1:26:58)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the prologues/epilogues and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Prometheus – There is No Why

Prometheus was Ridley Scott's triumphant return to the franchise he helped launch with 1979's Alien. But unlike the myriad of sequels that followed the groundbreaking original, Prometheus forges new ground.
Centering on the Engineers, it chronicles the creation of human life and the species' subsequent quest for answers that follows. It is during that quest the crew of the Prometheus discovers that those that gave them life had also engineered something far darker.
Thus, for all its philosophizing, Prometheus is indeed a prequel to Alien. Whether the answers it alludes to are satisfying are up to the individual viewer. Our pod, as a microcosm, was split on that determination.
One thing we did all agree on, though, is the brilliance with which Prometheus is crafted. From the sets, to the costume design, to the practical creature effects, Scott and his production team spared no detail in building toward the mystery of the "space jockey" and its ship.
And despite not being as beloved as Alien or Aliens, Prometheus was met with generally positive reactions upon its release. With 313 reviews, it sits at 73% on Rotten Tomatoes. It is also the highest grossing entry in the franchise with $403.4 million worldwide. Capt. Cash may not approve, but the Deacon certainly does.
Now, sit back, c-section shotgun a can of Celestial Paradox from Toppling Goliath, and don't touch that vagina-penis snake! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, Mayor McCheese, and Bling Blake are searching the vastness of space for the meaning of our existence!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The search for our beginning could lead to our end! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Well, here we are again. Should this have killed the Alien franchise? (1:14:59)
The "Big Things..." Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast spits the black goo in their opponent's face, and then Mayor McCheese challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:39:37)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Xenomorph Flops," with another film Capt. Cash loves, Alien Covenant! (1:49:15)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the scenes that shouldn't have been cut and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Alien Resurrection – Kill It with Fire!

Alien Resurrection was a bizarre attempt to reinvigorate the Alien franchise after the divisiveness of its predecessor. Written by Joss Whedon, it twists itself into narrative knots to revive the series' long-standing heroin Ellen Ripley. Honestly, it suffers for it.
This variation of Ripley is a badass, as well, but she's also weird and barely resembles the character she's embodying. Combined with a sub-par script that is packed full of terrible one-liners, nonsensical twists, and stock characters, Alien Resurrection fails just as miserably as Alien 3 in getting the series back on track.
It's a shame because the film is casted well. It also boasts decent effects, gnarly kills, and even showcases a few things the Xenomorphs have never done before. The atmosphere is just lacking. There is a dearth of tension. Perhaps, that is a sign that the franchise just lingered too long. There was nothing left for Alien Resurrection to add.
Hence, why it suffered the worst domestic box office of the series ($47.8 million). Critics, too, were lukewarm on it. It sits at 53% on Rotten Tomatoes with 85 reviews. Some things are just better left dead.
Now, sit back, illegally import a Death by Design from Holy City Brewing, and watch out for Ripley's elbows in the paint! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are attempting to clone Sigourney Weaver, so every generation can treasure her onscreen magic for eternity!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Hell gives birth! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – The Double Turn Podcast clones "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, and then ... Forget Alien 3, should this have killed the Alien franchise? (49:34)
The "Kill Me" Trivia Challenge – Capt. Cash challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:18:29)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Xenomorph Flops," with Capt. Cash's favorite movie (and the one he finds to be the most scientifically sound), Prometheus! (1:29:17)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the director's disdain for popcorn fare and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Alien 3 – Lock Her Up

Alien 3 is a massive disappointment. After the insane action masterpiece that was Aliens, expectations were high for how Ellen Ripley's story would progress.
Sadly, Fox, the studio behind the beloved franchise, didn't seem to have any ideas. Multiple scripts came and went, as did directors. Ultimately, the project fell to David Fincher.
If you told that to someone now, the excitement would be palpable. But this was 1992, and Fincher had yet to direct a movie. Renowned for his music video work, the first-time director had to fight tooth and nail with the studio throughout the shoot.
With a script that was being rewritten on the fly, much of the problems that plague Alien 3 cannot be attributed to him. This is a cautionary tale about wanting to exploit a valuable IP without taking the time to make sure the ideas are worth exploring.
Literally, Alien 3 is just Alien in a different setting with a sterile cast of characters who all look and behave the same. That is the opposite of what fans expected after James Cameron blew their Xenomorph-loving minds with Aliens.
Hence, why Alien 3 suffered with critics and fell to its death at the box office. On a production budget more than triple its predecessor, it grossed $30 million less domestically. Those kind of numbers are liable to make something burst out of a greedy executive's chest.
Now, sit back, kill your mouth lice with a Cosmic Crown from Cigar City Brewing, and reanimate Bishop for some key exposition! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are setting Xenomorph traps in the dank bowels of Fiorina 161!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Start running...again. The bitch is back! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Should this have killed the Alien franchise? (52:48)
The "This Thing is Really Pissed Off" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast learns about the original "Hell in a Cell," and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:29:13)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Xenomorph Flops," with the odd Alien Resurrection! (1:38:57)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the Assembly Cut's superiority and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Damned River – River Rat Rage

Damned River chronicles a group of friends' harrowing trip down the Zambezi River in Zimbabwe. Their guide, Ray, an unhinged madman and former mercenary (?), is at odds with other local rafters.
Thus, as the begin their trek, Ray slowly descends into madness.  The premise isn't exactly novel, but it isn't bad either. The issues with Damned River all come down to execution.
The acting is over the top and hammy, the script is all wet, and the action is as sub-par as one would expect from a film only available on YouTube as a poor transfer from an obscure TV series called "Movies for Men."
That said, there is some fun to be had with Damned River—in the, this should have appeared on Mystery Science Theater 3000 sort of way. 
Now, sit back, ride the wave train with a Boat Show IPA from Yellow Springs Brewery, and stay out of Ray's waters! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are braving some sick class five rapids with a homicidal maniac as our guide!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – A dream vacation... Becomes a grim Nightmare! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Ray is a lunatic, but an entertaining one. What was over favorite "River Rat" Ray moment? (40:28)
The "Slambezi" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast breaks an oar over someone's head, and then Bling Blake challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:07:50)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We kick off "Hops and Xenomorph Flops," with David Fincher's Alien 3! (1:22:39)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the raging rapids of the Zambezi and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Drop Zone – Look Out Below

Drop Zone, like a lot of mediocre 90s action movies, puts a spin on a successful formula established in a much better film. In this case, it's 1991's Point Break.
Substituting skydiving for surfing and Wesley Snipes for Keanu Reeves, Drop Zone attempts to be edgy and hip like its inspiration, but mostly free falls in trying.
That's not to say that there aren't elements of it to be appreciated. The skydiving scenes are excellently shot, aside from the awkward green screen closeups; and the hammy turn of Gary Busey as the villainous Ty Moncrief is vintage 90s bad guy fare.
But, as mentioned, Drop Zone isn't exactly genre defining. Hence why it received poor reviews (39% on Rotten Tomatoes with 23 of them) and struggled at the box office (grossing just $62 million worldwide on a budget of $45 million).
But, let's face it, we all knew an action movie about skydiving thieves would be dumb, so just embrace it.
Now, sit back, enjoy the ludicrous wig of Busey's student double, and get high with an Elevated IPA from La Cumbre Brewing! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are toasting to blue skies and black death!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Passenger 57 is back, but this time he's jumping out of planes! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – In a movie full of practical stunts, which was our favorite? (20:44)
The "Blue Skies, Black Death" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast sabotages their opponents parachute, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (47:27)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We finish "Hops and Xtreme Flops," with a movie only Bling Blake has heard of, Damned River! (54:59)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—how they pulled off all the stunts and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Rollerball – Prison Rules

Rollerball (2002) is one of the worst movies any of us have ever seen; and that is saying something.
Directed by John McTiernan—who always seems to appear on our pod, despite directing some of our favorite films—Rollerball was a remake of a 1975 film starring James Caan.
The 2002 version retains none of what made that movie work. It's social criticisms are half-baked, the actual Rollerball scenes are nauseating, and its lead, Chris Klein, makes wood appear emotive by comparison.
Shot, reshot, and shot again, Rollerball is an absolute mess onscreen. Off-screen, the situation was even worse. McTiernan, who was in a bitter battle over the course of the film, illegally wiretapped the movie's producer—an action that would land him in prison years later.
Thus, Rollerball's 3% on Rotten Tomatoes should not come as a shock, nor should its meager box office gross of $25.9 million (its budget was $70 million). One didn't require night vision to see that this project was set to crash and burn.
Now, sit back, pound as many Voodoo Ranger Fruit Force IPAs from New Belgium as your stomach will allow, and watch out for the motorcycles! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are ready to start the revolution—John-A-Thon!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Go Ballistic! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – How in the hell was this released in this state? (48:12)
The "Close Your Eyes and Take the Money" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast uses the Rollerball as a bludgeon, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:24:48)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Xtreme Flops," with the the skydiving heist film, Drop Zone! (1:36:10)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—why McTiernan got sent to the pen and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Airborne – Wannabe Bullwinkle

Airborne is rad. That fact can't be denied, even if rollerblading isn't as cool as it was in 1993.
That said, Airborne is also very 90s; and if you didn't grow up during that decade, the tubular nature of the film will probably escape you.
Anyway, Airborne centers around a hip California kid, who gets shipped off to Cincinnati, Ohio, to live with his relatives for six months. Mitchell Goosen is a fish out of water. The particular body of water is the Pacific Ocean.
Naturally, he has trouble adjusting, and the midwestern jocks of Cincy don't exactly welcome him either. That is, until they realize he's Jesus on blades! That's the movie. Sprinkle in some romance and a young Scott Evil fashion show, and you've got the single best movie about rollerblading street races ever.
Now, sit back, shred a few Ponto Session IPAs from Pizza Port Brewing Co., and enjoy the liquid Drano! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are ready to chill, brah!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – There are two kinds of people: those who get AIRBORNE...and those who don't! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Which of us would survive a harrowing rollerblade race? (30:26)
The "Devil's Backbone" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast crosschecks their opponents, and then I challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (48:10)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Xtreme Flops," with the rollerblading-centric disaster, 2002's Rollerball! (58:16)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—Cincy's love for the film and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Moonfall – Nuke the Moon!

Moonfall—written and directed by the master of "Disaster Movies" Roland Emmerich—is, quite ironically, a disaster of a movie.
Essentially, in Moonfall, the Moon is on a crash course with earth because malevolent artificial intelligence (AI) has knocked it off its axis. Oh, and the moon is actually a megastructure that was created by an ancient population in the far distant past.
That society built the Moon to escape the evil AI, ensuring their species—us, or humanity rather—would be able to survive. None of this is a joke.
Without Bruce Willis and his mining crew to save Earth, we're left with Samwell Tarley and Orm, a disgraced astronaut who encountered the asshole AI ten years prior.
Anyway, loads of dumb stuff happens, CGI gets vomited all over the screen, unearned family feels occur, and, ultimately, the day is saved.
We can only expect that Emmerich consulted several moronic conspiracy theorists while writing it. Hence why it received mediocre reviews—36% on Rotten Tomatoes with 214 of them–and failed to recoup its sizable budget. It earned just $67.3 million worldwide on a budget as high as $150 million.
For Emmerich, who independently produced this nonsense, Moonfall was a financial crater.
Now, sit back, send your tastebuds into orbit with a Space Dust IPA from Elysian Brewing, and be wary of space conspiracy theories! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are sending nukes to the Moon!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – In 2022, Humanity will face the dark side of the Moon! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Is there any possible way to fix this movie? (41:34)
The "Super Structure" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast outwrestles the rogue AI, and then Bling Blake challenges the field to trivia about the Moon. (1:06:52)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We kickoff "Hops and Xtreme Flops," with the rollerblading classic, Airborne! (1:20:46)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the potential sequels and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!