Hops and Box Office Flops

Waterworld – Gills and Thrills

Waterworld was Kevin Costner’s massive swing at post-apocalyptic adventure. As the film’s gruff lead, the Mariner, Costner is essentially just a seafaring Mad Max, wandering the oceanic wasteland trying to survive.
If that sounds cool, then you’ll probably love it. And for the most part, it is pretty damn awesome. What made Waterworld such an easy target for critics and the public was its massive budget and oft rumored issues during production.
The budget did balloon and was indeed sizable. The rumors of on-set discord are more than likely true, but they shouldn’t detract from the film itself. Waterworld took an impossible premise and somehow made most of its ideas float.
Thus, despite earning just $264.2 million worldwide on an all-in budget of $235 million, it was hardly the catastrophe most made it out to be.
Plus, you get Dennis Hopper with an eye-patch, mutant sharks, a rad trimaran, jet ski fights, and a fish-man mutant as the hero! What’s not to love?
Now, sit back, purify your urine with a Big Wave from Kona, and remember: It's never to early to start smoking! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are scouring the bottom of the ocean for fresh dirt to trade!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Beyond the horizon lies the secret to a new beginning! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Does Waterworld deserve its reputation as one of cinema's great disasters? (49:45)
The "Dry Land is a Myth" Trivia Challenge – Bling Blake challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:08:59)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We conclude Adventurous Flops with one of the more misguided big screen reboots, Land of the Lost! (1:19:41)
And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins – The Anti-CURE for Boredom

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins is based on The Destroyer series of pulp novels. Clearly inspired by James Bond, the character takes an American spin on the cloak and dagger antics of black ops.
Unlike Agent 007, though, Remo Williams—at least in his big screen incarnation—is not the most compelling character. And by modern sensibilities, it doesn't help that his trainer—an elderly Korean marital arts master named Chiun—is an assemblage of racist tropes. Oh, lest I forget, he's played by a white actor in bad makeup. Cue the wide eyes emoji.
Thus, despite being helmed by 60s/70s Bond staple Guy Hamilton, Remo Williams fails to capture the charm of those cinematic escapades. And on a budget of $40 million—which was quite high for 1985—it grossed just $14.4 million.
Cinematic universes are not born with those type of receipts.
Now, sit back, toast to your new identity with a Backyard Explorer IPA from Pizza Port Brewing Co., and remember to breathe! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla are enforcing the 11th Commandment, "Thou shalt not get away with it"!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – It's going to take a dead man to save the country...from a death merchant's dream of destruction! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Would Remo Williams work as either a movie or show today? (27:14)
The "Blue Collar James Bond" Trivia Challenge – I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (39:25)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continued Adventurous Flops with one of the wettest and most notorious flops, Waterworld! (49:04)
And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Sahara – Tequila Jones

Sahara was meant to be the next big adventure franchise—an Indiana Jones for a new era. Its main character—Dirk Pitt played by Matthew McConaughey—was the lead in a series of novels by Clive Cussler.
The material was there to be mined, but the audience was not. Despite its inspiration, Sahara could not match the popularity of the novels.
Grossing just $119 million worldwide, it took quite the hit at the box office, especially since the cost of the film ballooned during production. The reasons for why those costs went off the rails are plentiful and detailed extensively in an old LA Times piece.
Its failure aside, there is some fun to be had. With exciting set pieces and that classic McConaughey charm, this should not have been the flop it was.
Now, sit back, quench your thirst for adventure with a Shiner Bock from the Spoetzl Brewery, and don't drink that well water! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla are pulling a Panama to evade the fuzz!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Adventure has a new name ... Dirk Pitt! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Outside of die hard Clive Cussler fans (Bling Blake), who would want a sequel to this movie? (29:48)
The "USS Texas" Trivia Challenge – Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (49:20)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We kickoff Adventurous Flops with the world's most handsome treasure seeker in Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins! (1:02:19)
And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Speed Racer – Go, Speed, Go!

Speed Racer, based on a popular Japanese Manga and cartoon from the 1960s, is a CGI explosion of high speed hijinks.
Directed by Lilly and Lana Wachowski, it embodies much of what made the series so beloved. That works to its benefit and detriment. For those unfamiliar with Speed Racer's inspiration, there is a barrier to entry. Essentially, this is an eccentric film based on an eccentric property.
And the sheer amount of colors and whizzing computer effects don't make Speed Racer any easier to digest. It is a live action cartoon, where almost everything thrown at you looks flat. It comes as no surprise then that this failed to recoup its $120 million budget, earning just $93.9 million.
Critics also largely dismissed it. Speed Racer sits at 42% on Rotten Tomatoes with 218 reviews. All that aside, though, this is a movie fans of the property seem to love, and, undeniably, there is a certain charm to the movie.
Now, sit back, put the pedal to the metal with a Busch Light, and watch out for that Chim Chim cake! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are high-stakes rally racing to take down corporate ne'er-do-wells!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Speed has no limits. In the world's fastest race, nothing can slow you down! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Is Speed Racer truly a cult classic? (27:15)
The "Get that Weak Shit Off My Track" Trivia Challenge – Bling Blake challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (50:11)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We kickoff Adventurous Flops with the world's most handsome treasure seeker in Sahara! (1:02:37)
And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Alita: Battle Angel – Panzer Kunst!

Alita: Battle Angel, based on a popular Manga series, is a cyberpunk action film from Robert Rodriguez.
Full of CGI and over the top fisticuffs, Alita: Battle Angel is quite often visually dazzling. It truly feels like an anime come to life. Where it fails is its storytelling.
The titular Alita is not a particularly compelling character, and her romance with Hugo is even less interesting. Such a shortcoming generally doesn't matter all that much in an effects heavy movie, but Alita: Battle Angel leans into their budding romance. No amount of script doctoring could salvage their lack of chemistry.
That aside, this film garnered a legion of online hardcore fans. Though it may not be as awesome as they think, it is still worth watching for those unfamiliar with its inspiration, especially if you enjoy science fiction and rollerblading.
Now, sit back, celebrate your hunter warrior license with a Divot Lemonade and Iced Tea Ale from Sonder Brewing Co., and get ready to Motor Ball! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are stripping cyborgs for premium parts!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – A Warrior Rises. Discover a Bold New World and a Brave New Hero! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Should it finally happen, would we be down for a sequel? (48:56)
The "Champion's League" Trivia Challenge – Bling Blake challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (1:05:19)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We finish off Live Action Flops with a movie that didn't deserve the initial hate, Speed Racer! (1:20:57)
And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra – Send it to the Slaughter House

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a somewhat successful live-action adaptation of the beloved GI Joe cartoon and toy line. It's a big, loud, dumb, and, at times, very fun action film.
Most of the adjectives above will come as no surprise for fans of Stephen Sommers–he of The Mummy and The Mummy Returns fame.
The DNA of what made those films such enjoyable adventure romps is here. Unfortunately, so is his penchant to go too far over the top. *Cough* Van Helsing.
What Sommers gets wrong in this, he basically butchers. Eschewing common series lore in favor Hollywood tropes, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra loses some of the magic from the property, turning off longtime fans and general audiences in the process.
Despite there being internet murmurs that this movie, and Sommers' career prospects, deserved better, this one underperformed at the time of its release. It grossed just $302.5 million on a budget of $175. Critics also sent it the Slaughter House. It sits at 33% on Rotten Tomatoes with 169 reviews.
But, hey, there is a good time to be had here, as long as you don't think too hard about it.
So, sit back, get your nano-mites buzzing with a Weird Science Pale Ale from Paperback Brewing Co., and call us Commander! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla are training in the Pit to take down Cobra's goons!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – When all else fails, they don't! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – What GI Joe character would we like to see most in a future film? (36:27)
The "Vow of Silence" Trivia Challenge – I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (48:30)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue Live Action Flops with the internet's darling, Alita: Battle Angel! (55:35)
And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

The Last Airbender – Burn the Footage

The Last Airbender—the 2010 version written, produced, and directed by M. Night Shyamalan—is an affront to cinema. Yes, it is that bad; and no, it is not worth wasting more brain power writing about.
Now, sit back, douse the Fire Nation's flames with a Tropic Force IPA from Voodoo Ranger, and practice that water bending! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Chumpzilla are riding our magical sky bison like it's a banana boat!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Four nations, one destiny! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Does The Last Airbender dethrone Rollerball as the Shit Movie Champion? (23:29)
The "Turd-Bender" Trivia Challenge – Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (43:54)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue Live Action Flops with an adaptation that lacks bite, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra! (54:55)
And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom – Tangbro and Splash

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is the abandoned child of a now-defunct cinematic universe. Pushed multiple times and released far after James Gunn's announcement of his new DCU, the writing was on the wall, or in the sand, for the King of Atlantis' fate. And, yet, the studio still felt they needed to tinker with it to death.
The fingerprints of studio meddling are all over Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom. The editing is slap dash, and their blatant desire to rid the film of Amber Heard's Mera is painfully obvious. Jason Mamoa, for all his charm, goes full Aquabro in an attempt to distract viewers from all the warts lining the film's oceanic underbelly.
But, as we all know, one should never go full Aquabro. Despite his over the top schtick wearing thin far before the final credits roll, though, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is still a fairly decent time at the movies. The Orm/Arthur dynamic is fun throughout, the action beats mostly hit, and the return of Yahya Abdul-Mateen II as Black Manta is a welcome one.
Sadly, audiences knew that this was the dead end of all dead ends; and, as a result, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom couldn't even muster half of its predecessor's $1.1 billion+ box office. Still, considering the current superhero cinema landscape, $434.4 million isn't too shabby.
Now, sit back and refine that Orichalcum because it's a lovely day for a Guinness! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are just chum butter in the ocean of life!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – One king will lead us all. The tide is turning! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – With the old DCU dead, who would we cast the old actors as in the new DCU? (29:46)
The "Aqua-Trivia" Challenge – Capt. Cash challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (40:17)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We kickoff Live Action Flops with a movie sure to induce anime fans' PTSD, 2010's Avatar: The Last Airbender! (50:27)
And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Madame Web – Ms. Spider-Cleo

Madame Web is Sony's latest vapid entry in their ever burgeoning catalogue of films centering around the villains of Spider-Man.
And, yes, like Morbius, that hero is nowhere to be seen. In fact, since the film largely takes place in 2003, he hasn't even been born yet.
Our heroine here is Cassandra Webb, an EMT born with powers she has yet to realize she's been given. The how and the why of that truly need to be seen to be believed.
Webb (the eventual Madame Web) can see glimpses of the future. In doing so, she makes it her business to save three young girls who will most certainly die without her help.
Anyway, the central antagonist, Ezekiel Sims, goes on this quest for vengeance for reasons; Webb's most effective form of combatting Sims—outside of clairvoyance, of course—is attempted vehicular homicide; and you will leave the theater wondering what circle of hell Sony has propelled you into.
Madame Web is as bad as advertised. It is a film that need not exist. An origin of an origin, the three future Spider-Women don't even wear their costumes in the actual timeline of the film. Those appear solely in glimpses of a future we'll never see. I'd say the 12% is justified, but even that was probably too kind.
Now, sit back, drown your sorrows with a Depth Perception Imperial IPA from Terrapin Beer Co., and watch out for that Pepsi sign! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are table dancing to Toxic at a roadside diner!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Her web connects them all! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Why does Sony continue to foist these turds upon us? (33:40)
The "Great Power Will Come" Trivia Challenge – Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (56:45)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue Super-Heroic Flops with a sequel that couldn't match its predecessor's success, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom! (1:06:44)
And, as always, hit us up on Threads, Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!