Hops and Box Office Flops

Suburban Commando – Not Even Hulk Hogan Skateboarding in Zubaz Could Save This Movie

Few wrestlers have transcended the sport of professional wrestling. Sure, you've got the Rock and Batista now, but during the 80s, the business was still an oddity. It was a culture within itself. Then came the boom of the World Wrestling Federation (now WWE). Their rise was a swift one, but it could not have come without stars. And in the 80s—even into the late 90s—there was no bigger star than Hulk Hogan.
In the early 80s, Hogan had appeared in the box office behemoth Rocky III as "Thunder Lips" and even graced the cover of Sports Illustrated. He was a face recognizable to not only fans, but general audiences.
Thus, in 1989, Hogan was catapulted into his first starring role on the big screen No Holds Barred. The movie was a modest hit, grossing over $16 million on an $8 million budget. Its success, though, came with notoriety; enough that Hogan would be selected for another high profile part—that of Shep Ramsey in Suburban Commando. 
Unlike his previous film, Suburban Commando—a fish out of water tale of an intergalactic warrior forced into a vacation on earth—failed to make a profit, grossing only $8 million on a budget of $11. Despite its earned infamy as a flop, its a movie that must be seen; it's an unapologetic, ridiculous B-movie that works simply because of how committed Christopher Lloyd (Doc Brown from Back to the Future) is to the shtick.
I can't say that you'll love it, but you'll sure find plenty to laugh at (a good bit of it unintentionally)—Shep punching a mime, skateboarding in Zubaz, and engaging in a clash with a yet to premiere in the WWE Undertaker included.
So sit back, grab a spare vial of anti-freeze, and enjoy as I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), and the Irate Lover embark on a podcasting adventure to not only save the neighborhood, but the galaxy at large.
This Week's Segments:
Introduction – Our general reaction to the film and lingering questions we have. (00:00)
“Am I full of s**t or not?” – The Irate Lover attempts to debunk or confirm facts I discovered while investigating the interwebs. (38:33)
Recasting Suburban Commando – We recast this amazing film, replacing all the major roles with Oscar winners. (52:54)
Six Degrees of Movie Separation – The Irate Lover gives me two actors, and I have to connect them in six degrees or less. I rebuffed his challenge three times in this episode. (1:06:56)
Recommendations – We offer up our recommendations for the week—both what to avoid and what to stream. (1:11:00)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) to check out all the interesting factoids—the video game, the unbelievable theme song and so much more—from this week’s episode!

Major League II – There’s a Mediocre Moon Rising on the Cuyahoga River

Major League II is not a terrible movie. It certainly is a derivative one, though. It never really has its own story to tell. The plucky and charismatic underdogs from the first film return, mostly, but their journey here has nothing to say. They stink, and it’s up to Jake Taylor—in a managerial role this time—to figure out why.
For a team that is only a year removed from advancing to the American League Championship Series (ALCS), their struggles never feel earned. And the fact that their greatest tribulation—a loss to their new rival, the Chicago White Sox, in the ALCS—occurs offscreen only cheapens that lack of authenticity. There was a spirit to the first film. An energy. You pull for that team because they are expected to lose. It’s much harder to rally behind a group that is expected to win.
The similarities between this team’s plight and that of the first is inherently an underlying issue with sports sequels. They inevitably have to overcome the same circumstances that plagued them the first time. Sure, there is some fun to be found—the intense samurai spirit infused by Japanese acquisition Isuro Tanaka, the delightfully over-the-top trailer for Willie Mays Hayes’ action extravaganza Black Hammer & White Lighting, and a sheepish Roger Dorn moonlighting as a utility player/GM; it’s just too often lost amongst the haze of a tired script, overwrought with clichés and recycled humor.
I mean, there’s a reason that we’re covering this one, while its predecessor is making a much overdo appearance on The Rewatchables, so sit back, grab a double shot of Jobu’s special rum, and enjoy as I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), and the Irate Lover (who happens to love this movie) take you to the wonderous sites of Cleveland—city of light, city of magic—for the dismal second season to what had been the perfect Cinderella story.
This Week's Segments:
Introduction – Our general reaction to the film and lingering questions we have. (00:00)
“Am I full of s**t or not?” – The Irate Lover attempts to debunk or confirm facts I discovered while investigating the interwebs. (49:32)
The Scale – Where does Jack Parkman rank on the Most Toxic Teammates Scale? (59:35)
Upgrade/Downgrade – We assess whether or not the insertion of Omar Epps in place of Wesley Snipes was an upgrade or downgrade. (1:08:30)
In addition, I’ve assembled four other famous instances of actors stepping into a role for the sequel to a hit movie.
Recommendations – We offer up our recommendations for the week and dive into a spoiler-filled discussion about Netflix’s Triple Frontier (the spoilers close out the episode). (1:21:30)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) to check out all the interesting factoids from this week’s episode!

Batman & Robin – The Iceman Cometh! But Not for the Box Office Receipts

In 1995, a revamped and reformatted Batman made his comeback to the big screen in Batman Forever, a film that presented a stark contrast to the grim Gotham of Tim Burton’s Batman and Batman Returns. It was a campier—and certainly more kid friendly—take on the “Caped Crusader.” That, in and of itself, means almost nothing. What mattered was the movie was a huge hit, grossing over $184 million at the domestic box office and besting the diminishing profits of Returns. Thus, the natural course was to green light a sequel and fast.
Batman & Robin was set for release just two years (nearly to the day) after Forever, a tall order considering the size and scope of a typical summer blockbuster. Joel Schumacher—who’d helmed its predecessor—would again direct. Shockingly, despite the truncated production time, it filmed without a hitch. There weren’t problems behind-the-scenes, but upon release, they were very apparent ones on the screen. Instead of harnessing what worked about Forever—however little that actually was—the filmmakers opted to double down on the camp, skimp on the importance of plot, and jam the film with frivolous closeups of bat gadgets and body parts. Like Mr. Freeze himself, the heart of this movie is just a cold lump, staggering its way through a runtime that—even at just two hours—feels bloated.
Alas, this diatribe is more than reflective waxing. Batman & Robin bombed. Cinema goers were not interested in its dogged insistence to sell them toys. As a result—in addition to its infamous place in Batman lore—it’s the lowest grossing live action Batman movie to date, garnering just $107 million at the domestic box office and floundering just as much worldwide (it only made $238 million, almost $100 million less than Forever).
Yet, knowing all of this, it’s still something you must see. It’s the Titanic drifting toward the iceberg. You know it’s going to be bad, but you can’t look away. Why deny yourself the pleasure of watching it with wide-eyed bewilderment? As Mr. Freeze once so eloquently said, “Chill” — sit back, grab an icy, cold beer, and enjoy as I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), and the Irate Lover don our rubber bat nipples and soldier headlong into the blizzard of bad puns.
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) to check out all the interesting Bat-nuggets from this week’s episode!

The Last Stand – A New Sheriff's in Town, But It Ain't Arnold

From 2003 to 2011, the action world mourned. The King—Conan, John Matrix, the T-800—had officially relinquished his crown. The fabled Terminator had transitioned to Governator. Instead of hunting down Sarah Connor with no remorse or reservations, he was balancing budgets and removing soda pop from school vending machines.
In the halls of my house, those were dark days. A cinema landscape sans-the hulking presence of Arnold Schwarzenegger was not one I wanted to experience. But then, he returned. His term was up; it was time to come home—to return to the industry that had made him such an American Dream success story. His big comeback vehicle: The Last Stand, a homage to old school westerns that featured Arnold as a grizzled sheriff who’d do anything to protect his turf. On paper, it looked like a can’t miss equation. Arnold, an escaped cartel boss, a showdown with longs odds in the middle of a desert town, and bullets by the dozen: What’s not to love?
Sadly, though, things had changed in his years as a public servant. The action movies of yore had given way to a new breed of spectacle. Super Heroes were the champions of the day. *Movies rife with computer generated effects lorded over those that brought a more grounded, gritty feel. The once iconic, muscle-bound everyman couldn't hold a candle to the fantastical feats of those with powers that defied imagination.
Thus, with Arnold set to appear in his first starring role in 10 years (since Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines), the chips had been stacked against him, and it was an obstacle he could not overcome. Despite having historically survived shootouts and throwdowns where the odds were almost never in his favor, he could not best the shifting dynamics of the box office. The Last Stand, decently reviewed and a hell of a good time at the theater, was a bomb. My heart still weeps.
Regardless, it’s a film I recommend with enthusiasm, so sit back, grab a beer, and enjoy as I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), and the Irate Lover take you to the sleepy streets of Sommerton Junction, a place where you best not mess with the sheriff!
As always be sure to check our Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) for notes from the show—trailers, factoids, and other fun links. 
*This is a theme we also explored when Jurassic Park devoured Last Action Hero at the box office. Listen to that episode.

Part Two of the Epic Science Fiction/Fantasy Film March Madness Showdown

Every March, there is a basketball tournament that I never watch. To celebrate said tournament, I—the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK)—and a special guest co-host filled out i09's Best Sci-Fi/Fantasy film of the last decade bracket. Going matchup by matchup, we broke down who we chose and why, eventually crowning an overall winner per region.
In this episode—the second of two—we discussed the right side of the bracket (the number one seeds were Arrival and Attack the Block). We also dove into the Final Four and crowned an overall champion. 
Unlike the other half of the bracket, this side saw some real deviation in our picks.
As always, hit us up on Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) to tell us why you agreed/disagreed with our choices or to even just continue the debate!
This special, and impromptu, two-parter was one wild ride!
Listen to Part One

Part One of the Epic Science Fiction/Fantasy Film March Madness Showdown

Every March, there is a basketball tournament that I never watch. To celebrate said tournament, I—the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK)—and a special guest co-host filled out i09's Best Sci-Fi/Fantasy film of the last decade bracket. Going matchup by matchup, we broke down who we chose and why, eventually crowning an overall winner per region.
In this episode—the first of two—we discussed the left side of the bracket (the number one seeds were Mad Max: Fury Road and Edge of Tomorrow). 
Upsets—dark horses emerging from nowhere—were abound and no seed—high or not—was truly safe. We encourage you to fill out a bracket of your own to see how your selections compare to ours. And, as always, hit us up on Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) to tell us why you agreed/disagreed with our choices or to even just continue the debate!
This special, and impromptu, two-parter was one wild ride!
Listen to Part Two

Last Action Hero – The "Big Ticket" That Somehow Sold No Tickets in '93

It’s #ArnoldActionMonth and were starting things off with a bang by bringing out the “big gun”—Last Action Hero!
With the combined talents of John McTiernan (the director of Die Hard and Predator), Arnold Schwarzenegger (perhaps the biggest star on the planet after Terminator 2), and Shane Black (the writer of classics like Lethal Weapon and The Monster Squad), what could possibly go wrong? Turns out, for Last Action Hero, quite a bit.
A movie born from two writers geeky admiration for the action classics of the 80s and 90s,Last Action Hero devolved into a tragic Hollywood tale of push and pull. Writers were hired and unceremoniously fired. The script bounced between script doctors to the point of the director’s delirium, and the shooting schedule left no room for error.
As insane as this film’s journey was, I’d argue little of that stress and indecision is reflected on screen. It’s an entertaining action thrill ride—equal parts humor, satire, and machismo—that despite all its hurdles, knows exactly what it wants to be.
But that, after all, is just one man’s opinion; and in 1993, Last Action Hero was a movie tarnished before it ever opened to the public. Saddled with horrifically bad word of mouth, a ballooning—and often mind boggling—advertising budget, and the looming figure of a release date no one thought they could meet, it was gone before most had even known it had arrived, falling prey to the money gobbling jowls of Jurassic Park’s infamous t-rex.
It can’t be argued that it was a bomb, but did it truly deserve to be? Well, there’s only one way to find out, so sit back, grab a beer, and enjoy as I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK) and the Irate Lover explore the meta-movie within a movie, featuring a plot ripped from the stargazing ramblings of my fourth grade journal.
As always be sure to check our Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) for notes from the show—trailers, factoids, and other fun links. 
You can find this week’s episode of Hops and Box Office Flops, as always, on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, and now Spotify!

The Perfect Weapon – This Pod is Gettin' Kinda Hectic

The 1980s and 90s were littered with action vehicles. Each was meant to serve as a springboard for a multitude of stars that never were. Jeff Speakman is the embodiment of that era. Thought to be a budding movie star in the making, the plans for his career quickly derailed; not before he graced us, though, with this classic of all things Kenpo Karate — The Perfect Weapon.
Akin to most of the action films of this era, it’s more brawn and less brains. As a viewer, that’s great; we’re in it for Speakman laying fools out while clad in obscenely tight jeans. The plot, try as it may, is window dressing. We want slam bang fisticuffs and cheesy, but catchy, one-liners. The former is delivered in heaps. The latter—which may have been a bad sign for his staying power—is severely lacking.
So sit back, grab a beer, and enjoy as I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK) and the returning Irate Lover take you for a stroll down 90s nostalgia memory lane. And be sure to check our Twitter (@HopsandBOFlops) for notes from the show—trailers, factoids, and other fun links.

It's Podcastin' Time: An Investigation of the Fantastic Four Movie That Never Was

The tragic tale behind the making of Roger Corman’s The Fantastic Four is one that truly must be seen and heard to be believed. A finished product—fully shot, edited, and cut—abandoned to the scrap heap. But why? Well, a few reasons actually. For starters, the film itself was just a bargaining chip—a way for a production house to extend its creative license on what could potentially be a lucrative property. It was also seen by some as a probable franchise killer—a film whose suspect quality alone could tarnish whatever else would come.
The latter may sound like a bit of an overreaction, but it’s important to remember that in 1994, the cinematic landscape for superhero and comic book films was vastly different. Point of fact, it was barren. Sure, we had Batman in 89, its sequel, and then some groan-inducing follow ups (themselves temporary franchise assassins); Superman had convinced the world a man could fly in the late 70s, but he’d petered out; his demise was so profound that it buried the character deeper than Nuclear Man had on the Moon. Other non-starters included The Shadow with Alec Baldwin and The Phantom with a preposterously purple-clad Billy Zane.
It was a vastly different time. Marvel—outside of a couple of halfhearted, and ultimately failed ventures—had, for the most part, remained on the sidelines. This film—at least in the minds of the cast and crew—would be their big coming out party. Alas, it was not meant to be. Corman’s Fantastic Four would disappear into the pop culture Phantom Zone, lingering in an infamous anonymity before resurfacing to the jeers and mockery of the public.
Yet that is what makes it so fascinating. In every sense of the term, it’s a noble failure. The director, cast, and crew dedicated themselves wholly to its promise and did so under the constrictions of the most modest of budgets. 
So sit back, grab a beer, and enjoy as I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK and @HopsandBOFlops), and my special guest co-host Captain Cash (@CaptCash) take you through the wild journey of the first-ever Fantastic Four movie (as well as its accompanying documentary Doomed). Oddly—despite all its obvious shortcomings—it’s the most faithful to the property that inspired it.