Hops and Box Office Flops

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms – Fresh Out of Fairy Dust

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms is everything wrong with modern-day cinema. It takes a classic property—in this case, both a beloved ballet and story—and turns it into a paint-by-numbers adventure tale. Folks, this is a literal CGI-invested hellscape of banal ideas and idiotic plot.
Worse, it's essentially a template that Disney has beaten to death—think Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland or The Chronicles of Narnia. One of those at least did its property justice. Point is, we've treaded this ground before, and we've done so in the far too recent past.
This film is creatively bankrupt. Obviously, that wasn't by design, so what went wrong? For starters, there's zero need to turn The Nutcracker into a swashbuckling, realm-saving war movie—let alone one filled with over the top effects. With a budget of $133 million—approximately $100 million more than was necessary to bring this to contemporary audiences—it's clear they understood neither the beauty, nor the grace of the ballet.
I'm not alone in thinking this. It grossed just $174 million, netting Disney an over $60 million loss on the project. Critics shared in our collective scorn. It sits at 32% on Rotten Tomatoes with 202 reviews; the users were slightly more kind, 34%.
Listeners, this one is a mess from start to finish. So as you watch it, just think about fonder things and attempt to identify the scenes they reshot (there were 32 days of reshoots on this). Try as we might, it was all so bland, we couldn't figure it out.
But that's nothing a fine beer won't fix. So sit back, unlock an I'll Have What She's Having from Evil Genius Beer Co., and snack on a lock of your own hair! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese, are bounding through the four realms as a collection of killer acrobatic clowns!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – This film is a muddled mess of pilfered ideas, bland design choices, and a plot as hollow as the empty vessel that is the tin soldier. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – How many beers does it take to endure this disaster? And, on a more interesting note, which of our child toys would we bring to life? (1:08:18)
The Nutcracker Trivia Challenge – Capt. Cash challenges the field to trivia about the movie, as well as about its more famous inspirations. (1:34:20)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week, and coming up in "Hops and Holiday Flops," the Bill Goldberg Christmas classic, Santa's Slay! (1:46:45)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the director shake-up and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Amazon Music!

Tango & Cash – Armed and Definitely Dangerous

Tango & Cash is a the cinematic manifestation of all the 80s muscle-bound mayhem rolled into one messy package. It's a part serious, part satirical, part nonsensical tale of dueling cops forced into an uneasy partnership. And as much as it clearly doesn't work, it somehow is a hell of a lot of fun.
Pairing two of the decade's iconic stars, Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell, as the titular duo, Tango & Cash was meant to be a mega hit. To a degree, it was; it earned $120.4 million on a budget of $54 million.
Those numbers, though, pale in comparison to some of its contemporaries. Another 48 Hrs. grossed over $150 million on a far smaller production cost; and Lethal Weapon 2, released just five months prior, made a whopping $227.9 million.
These comparison points are for more than simply genre and relative release timing. Tango & Cash, as alluded to above, desperately wants to emulate far better mismatched buddy action films. And in its quest to duplicate their collective successes, it never knows what it wants to be.
Stop me if you've heard this before, but that was due in large part to its issues behind the scenes. This encompassed multiple directors, an unwritten ending, a budget that ballooned out of control, and a literal tug-of-war over its tone. The term "tonal whiplash" may not be descriptive enough to describe this film (Thanks, Jon Peters).
Now, take everything you just read and put it into a hall of mirrors with Jack Palance holding a couple of mice. Why? Well, none of that matters. You will understand that what you're watching is stupid, but you won't care because they don't care. Tango & Cash is shamelessly unapologetic; it continues to throw zingers at you, knowing full well that they will never stop coming.
Literally, the script is 90% one-liners. So even if 50% of them don't work, just enjoy the ones that do!
So sit back, get locked and loaded with a Weapons Check Irish Red Ale from 1912 Brewing Co., and burn rubber in the soccer mom van of doom! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, Mayor McCheese, and a special guest are playing bad cop/worst cop with a live grenade!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – With shifting tones that are sure to give you a kink in your neck, the last big film of 1989 is a curious one. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Despite its marketable stars, Tango & Cash was only a moderate success. Did it deserve better? (1:01:34)
The "Don't Flatter Yourself, Peewee" Trivia Challenge – I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (1:32:00)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week, and coming up, it's our "Hops and Holiday Flops" series. First up, The Nutcracker and the Four Realms! (1:43:09)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the anarchy that was the making of this movie and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Amazon Music!

Bullet to the Head – Brawn, Booze, and Bullets

Bullet to the Head is a throwback to a simpler time; an era when men were men, off-color jokes were plentiful, and the amount of heroic quips was only surpassed by the body count.
Serving as Sylvester Stallone's late mid-life crisis, Bullet to the Head is an unapologetic homage to the action films of yesteryear. This makes all the more sense when you consider that director Walter Hill perfected this template with 48 Hrs., a mismatched buddy classic.
Some may argue that formula doesn't necessarily work in 2012, but they—like the co-hosts of this pod—are wrong. This film is glorious.
Pumped full of violence, it's an adrenaline shot to your heart. And by the looks of it, Stallone also knows all about hypodermic needles. Literally, he appears to have overdosed on human growth hormone. No 66-year-old man should be as vascular as he is in this movie.
Anyway, it did inexplicably flop. It earned just under $22 million on a budget of $40 million—perhaps a signal that the action days of yore, like Stallone, were past their prime. But boo to that BS notion! Bullet's wanton carnage will put a little pound in your pencil! 
So sit back, get feisty with an Axe Man IPA from Surly Brewing Co., and pour yourself a double shot of Bulleit Bourbon! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are busting skulls at a Turkish Bathhouse in nothing but our Underoos!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Old, angry, and jacked is the perfect way to go through life. (00:00)
The "Bang, Down, Owned" Trivia Challenge – I challenge Capt. Cash and Chumpzilla to trivia centered around the movie. (1:01:52)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week, and next: It's a "Tango and Captain Cash" bonus pod! It seemed only fitting that we finished this series with its namesake, Tango & Cash! (1:16:01)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the big time casting whiff and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Amazon Music!

Judge Dredd – We are the Law

Judge Dredd—which is based on the character from 2000 AD, a weekly British comic—is a sadly generic action film that fails to grasp the subversive nature of its character. 
The titular judge—and the system in which he serves—is written as a commentary on the overly aggressive tactics of American law enforcement. The movie, despite nailing the look and feel of Mega-City One and its characters, plays it much more straight forward. Sylvester Stallone, the literal Judge Joseph Dredd, is meant to be the hero.
And as an audience, you're meant to ignore that he's clearly a fascist in fancy, eagle-adorned clothing. That's sort of the tragedy of this film. It never knows what it wants to be. This is due in no small part to Stallone's clashes with the director, Danny Cannon. Cannon, who was a fan of the comic, wanted the movie to have a darker edge to it.
The execs and its star wanted to aim more for a standard summer blockbuster. It accomplished neither. And as a result, it tanked with both critics and audiences. On a budget of $90 million, it grossed just over $113 million worldwide. Its 20% Rotten Tomatoes score (with 54 reviews) is a little harsh, but not much.
All that aside, there is some fun to be had. The practical effects are top notch—kudos to the Angel Gang—Rob Schneider is inexplicably in it, and Armand Assante seems to be aiming for a Lifetime Achievement Razzie with just this performance.
So sit back, send a signal flare to your tastebuds with a Molotov Cocktail Imperial IPA from Evil Twin Brewing Co., and set your Law Bringer to Double Whammy! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, Mayor McCheese, and a special guest are passing down harsh judgements up and down the block war!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Like the opening pod of this series, most of this movie is Over the Top, and not necessarily in a good way. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – For everything this movie does well, it does so much more poorly; but could it have been salvaged? (42:47)
The "I Knew You'd Say That" Trivia Challenge – Capt. Cash challenges the field to trivia centered around the movie. (1:03:31)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week, and next up in our "Tango and Captain Cash" series: pour yourself a shot of Bulleit Bourbon for Bullet to the Head! (1:16:02)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the casting what-ifs and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Amazon Music!

Stop! Or My Mom will Shoot – Literally, Please Stop

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot is Sylvester Stallone's attempt at an action comedy. Suffice to say, it's firing blanks. Co-starring Estelle Getty (Sophia on Golden Girls), it was a spin on the overused trope of mismatched/buddy cops.
The conceit is a Hollywood staple, but rarely has it been used to such disastrous effect. Stop! is a Saturday Night Live skit exhaustively stretched to fill an hour and a half film. It is rarely funny—with in-jokes that become derivative within its first 15 minutes. 
Worse, no one in the movie seems to be having any fun, either. Stallone is disengaged from the jump—more than likely due to the startling realization that his old buddy Arnold had indeed duped him into making this turd.
Critics seemed to agree with his assessment. It sits at just 7% on Rotten Tomatoes with 27 reviews. The late Roger Ebert channeled their consensus best when he wrote, "It is moronic beyond comprehension, an exercise in desperation during which even Sylvester Stallone, a repository of self-confidence, seems to be disheartened."
On the bright side, though, it isn't overly long. That's about it.
So sit back, shoot the top off an Anvil Double IPA from Ironmonger Brewing Co., and avoid cleaning any weapons with Clorox! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are busting gun runners in greater Los Angeles!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – If one were wondering what movie is Stallone's worst, the answer is pretty clear. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – Should this have flopped? In a word, yes. (42:47)
The Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot Trivia Challenge – Chumpzilla challenges the field to Stallone-tastic trivia. (1:03:31)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week, and next up in our "Tango and Captain Cash" series: We are the law! It's Judge Dredd. (1:16:02)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—how Schwarzenegger pulled a fast one on Sly and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Amazon Music!

Over the Top – It's Like a Switch

Over the Top is an 80s treasure. Set amidst the backdrop of long-haul trucking and arm wrestling, it's a patently absurd film about a father reuniting with his son. More important, though, it's oozing with machismo and righteous tunes.
It's honestly all the best things about the decade rolled into one undersized, sweat-infused, cut-off shirt. And it must be seen.
Produced by the legendary B-movie assembly line Cannon Films, Over the Top embodies much of their spirit. For one, it thinks it's a much better film than it actually is. It also paid an absurd amount of money to Sylvester Stallone (anywhere from $12 to $15 million of its $25 million dollar budget) under the assumption that his onscreen presence would make the movie a hit.
Spoiler: It was not. And, much like  Masters of the Universe—another of their big bets—Cannon's wasteful spending on star power blew up in their face. It recouped only half its budget, and the reviews were equally brutal.
Its skewering even earned two Razzie wins for Stallone's onscreen son David Mendenhall (who played Michael Cutler). Equal parts cruel and tragic. Shame on you, Razzies. He was just a boy.
Yet, I implore you to ignore the bad. From the overabundance of testosterone to Lincoln Hawk's (Stallone) poignant, arm wrestling-centric life lessons, this is a true cult classic.
So sit back, take a Lost Highway Double Black IPA from Mother Road Brewing Co. over the top, and turn those hats around! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are heading to Vegas to drive trucks and break arms!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Best dad. Best arm wrestler. Best man to ever live. Lincoln Hawk! (00:00)
Name the Movie to Feature this Song – Inspired by the Sammy Hagar classic, "Winner Takes It All," I challenge the crew to name the movie that each of these classic songs was written for or featured in. (1:04:24)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week, and next up in our "Tango and Captain Cash" series: Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. (1:13:45)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the banging soundtrack and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Amazon Music!

The Stephen King Roundtable

Much of our "Flops that Go Bump in the Night" series has been dedicated to adaptations of the great Stephen King's work. Those films have varied in quality, but none have attained the utter madness of the four films we chose for our last installment.
For this final horror-inspired episode, we stared down rampaging machinery, fueled by an all AC/DC soundtrack and a hefty amount of sugar boogers, with Maximum Overdrive; we gorged ourselves with cursed pies and bad product placement with Thinner; we indulged Johnny Depp's bizarre affinity for hats with Secret Window; and we tried not to look at the slimy cat people as they reveled in their incest with Sleepwalkers.
Yes, folks, things got weird. So sit back, endure the venom of a fine King Cobra from Anheuser-Busch, and avoid angering any Gypsies! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are adopting dozens of stray cats to prepare for the inevitable showdown with the horny, vampiric cat people.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction – With all we've covered this October, it seemed only fitting to go out with some of the more bizarre King-inspired films. (00:00)
Thinner – Turns out, crossing the old guy from My Big Fat Greek Wedding is not at all advisable. (8:35)
Secret Window – One thing Johnny Depp loves is silly headwear; another, we guess, is corn on the cob. (32:09)
Sleepwalkers – Why are cat humanoids always sexually aroused? (53:47)
Maximum Overdrive – Emilio Estevez, a murderous Green Goblin truck, Commissioner Gordon, and apparently a large tray of cocaine at catering. (1:21:36)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week, and next up: We begin our Stallone-tastic series, "Tango and Captain Cash," with Over the Top. (1:55:00)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the insanity of the Maximum Overdrive set and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Amazon Music!

The Mist – Took John Lee!

The Mist is an experience that will stick with you. Though it is small in scale, primarily set inside a supermarket in a remote Maine town, there are huge emotional stakes. Thus, it is another fine interpretation of Stephen King's writing.
Directed by Frank Darabont—who'd previously helmed King's The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile—the pedigree of this one was all but assured. And, like those other two, it is exceptional. It's well casted—Marcia Gay Harden as religious zealot Mrs. Carmody, in particular, steals the show; it's well paced; and it delivers a gut punch of a finale. Sure, the 2007 CGI is outdated, but not enough to detract from the experience; and it does contain some haunting creature effects. Just ask the Sherminator.
You cannot expect much more of a movie. Moreover, as a viewer, you are invested in David Drayton (Thomas Jane) and his crew of fellow survivors. You hope that they will escape the nightmarish reality they find themselves in. Folks, this one is a must if you are a fan of either King or Darabont.
So sit back, stumble your way through the haze to grab a Fog Monster New England Style IPA from Rusty Rail Brewing, and light up those fire mops! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are joining Mrs. Carmody's cult to avoid being sacrificed to the horrors of the Mist.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Certainly The Mist can be a stereotypical creature feature, but by the end, you'll understand why it's impossible to forget. (00:00)
Lingering Questions –  Should this have flopped? What are some of our favorite movie endings? (51:13)
The "They Stuck the Landing" Trivia Challenge – Capt. Cash challenges us to name the movie with these exceptional endings. (1:16:06)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week. Next week, in the final entry in our "Flops that Go Bump in the Night" series, we'll be doing a special roundtable of truly bad—albeit entertaining—Stephen King adaptations. (1:22:50)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—other great Darabont takes on King works and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Amazon Music!

Doctor Sleep – Shine On

As we referenced on our last pod—Dreamcatcher—adaptations of Stephen King novels range wildly in their quality. Doctor Sleep, fortunately, continues their recent upward trend.
As a sequel to The Shining, Stanley Kubrick's beloved 1980 film, as well as a translation of King's source, it had big shoes to film. It does so more than admirably. Credit to director Mike Flanagan for that seamless combination. Flanagan, a rising star in the horror genre, was handed the reigns to Doctor Sleep after experiencing critical success with another King work (Gerald's Game). It's safe to say that the expectations for this movie were high—particularly after It: Chapter 1 and 2 grossed over $1.1 billion combined at the box office.
Here comes the unfortunate part. Despite glowing reviews (77% on Rotten tomatoes with 317 counted) and the backing of the audience (89%), Doctor Sleep mustered a disappointing $72.3 million on a budget of $55 million, apparently scuttling plans for a sequel.
We, as a pod, can't stress this enough. Watch this movie. In fact, if you've never seen The Shining, watch them both. Doctor Sleep compliments its predecessor perfectly and is a love letter to the world that King created and Kubrick altered. When you see what Flanagan and his team were able to accomplish with this film, there's no doubt you will want to see more of his work. 
So sit back, inhale the delicious scent of a Nosferatu Red Ale from Great Lakes Brewing Company like it's Steam, and get lost in a hedge maze! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are doing our best to stave off drinking in a haunted hotel.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – As a suitable follow up to The Shining film and the novel it's based upon, Doctor Sleep delivers the goods. (00:00)
Spoilers Warning – If you have not seen the movie, skip from 39:45-50:40.
The "What is Tied Cannot be Untied" Trivia Challenge – I challenge Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese to a series of Doctor Sleep-themed questions. (1:01:53)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week, and next up: the fourth entry in our "Flops that Go Bump in the Night" series, The Mist! Stephen King adaptations kind of took over the month. (1:16:16)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the meticulous recreation of the Overlook Hotel and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Amazon Music!