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Episodes
Friday Mar 18, 2022
Friday Mar 18, 2022
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City is the seventh live-action iteration of the storied video game franchise. Sadly, like its predecessors, it fails to live up to the legacy of the series.
Yes, folks, Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City is yet another uninspired video game adaptation. But unlike the Paul W.S. Anderson saga, this at least sticks close to the source material.
Raccoon City is a reboot, carrying no connection to the insipid six that came before it. In fact, it is essentially a narrative retelling of the first two games. In principle, that sounds like a good idea, but there's a reason there were two of them. This film can never find the right balance between the horrors of the Spencer Mansion and the panic-inducing labyrinth that is the titular city's police station.
In effect, it shortchanges them both; and through its slavish devotion to the games, it also shoehorns in far too much—including the cringe-worthy dialogue that was a hallmark of the series' early years.
Listen, I also hate W.S. Anderson's movies, but at least they made money. Raccoon City—certainly hindered by the ongoing pandemic—grossed just $41.9 million on a budget of $25 million. Critics had little appetite for it either. At 31% on Rotten Tomatoes with 84 reviews, it falls somewhere within the median of its predecessors. Not great.
Anyway, sit back, have a tasty (and itchy?) Undead Party Crasher from Clown Shoes Beer, and don't trust Wesker! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Mayor McCheese and Chumpzilla are heading to the ophthalmologist to have our blood eyes examined!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Witness the beginning of evil! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss our perfect Resident Evil adaptation. (42:04)
The "T-Virus" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast gets mauled by a licker, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the series of games. (1:07:57)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Pandemic Flops" with Annihilation! (1:18:22)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the glory of the games and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!
Friday Mar 11, 2022
Friday Mar 11, 2022
The Happening is a cinematic travesty. Directed by M. Night Shyamalan, it has zero in common with some of his finer work. For one thing, it lacks even the hint of a twist—a hallmark of his better movies.
It's also painfully stupid. Boasting Mark Wahlberg as high school science teacher Elliot Moore. Yes, you read that right; he's a science teacher. The Happening is little more than a premise. What happened if the trees starting infecting people with a toxin that would rob them of impulse control?
That's the movie. Nothing comes of that. There is no resolution whatsoever. If you're a viewer of this movie, you don't necessarily care anyway. There's so little to enjoy. From the horrendous acting, to the hammy script, to the dearth of palpable tension, The Happening, like its hapless victims, can't stop itself from causing you pain.
It's a tortuous experience. Hence why it sits at 17% on Rotten Tomatoes with 186 reviews.
Anyway, sit back, sip a Voodoo Ranger Juice Force IPA from New Belgium Brewing through a hole in your gas mask, and don't piss off the trees! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Mayor McCheese and Chumpzilla are standing in place until the foliage stops murdering people!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – We've sensed it. We've seen the signs. Now... it's happening! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we determine whether The Happening is the pod's new Shit Movie Champion. (35:09)
The "Crappening" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast gets pinned by the wind, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (55:06)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Pandemic Flops" with Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City! (1:04:32)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the unintentional comedy of this movie and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!
Friday Mar 04, 2022
Friday Mar 04, 2022
Showdown in Little Tokyo is indisputably a bad movie, but that doesn't mean it isn't a heck of a lot of fun.
Starring Dolph Lundgren as Sgt. Chris Kenner and Brandon Lee as his partner Johnny Murata, it desperately wants to be Lethal Weapon. Unfortunately, it lacks the wit, charm, and overall directing acumen that film had.
Instead, this is a low budget 90s flick with a seedy aesthetic that rises above its mediocre quality because of some insane, though unintentionally hilarious, scenes.
Seriously folks, the way the villain bites it in this movie is one of the all-time great cinema deaths.
All that said, this movie tanked. That wasn't entirely its own fault. WB, who produced it, hated Showdown in Little Tokyo, releasing it in under 200 theaters domestically and butchering the original edit.
With such low distribution stateside and internationally, it was destined to fail. Boasting a budget of just $8 million, that shouldn't have been the case. There's a bathhouse fight, for Pete's sake.
Anyway, sit back, cut the top off a Kirin Ichiban, and if the bathhouse is rocking, don't bother knocking! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are playing pin the katana on Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – One's a warrior. One's a wiseguy. They're two Los Angeles cops going after Japan's top mobster...Feet first! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss the most gnarly death of "B-List Action Star Flops." (49:00)
The "Double Team" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast wins the Samurai Sword Death Match, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (1:00:20)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We begin "Hops and Pandemic Flops" with the much maligned The Happening! (1:10:22)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the glory of this film's ending and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!
Friday Feb 25, 2022
Friday Feb 25, 2022
Double Team is an ill conceived 1997 action film that attempts to capitalize on the waning star power of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dennis Rodman. Though each had experienced much success in their respective careers, this came far after each of their sell by dates.
For Van Damme, who stars as Jack Quinn, a series of misses and a well known issue with drugs took their toll. The latter can be said for Rodman, as well. His partying has been well documented.
Thus, this was Van Damme's big attempt at a come back. He needed a win. Rodman, more than likely, was just along for the ride. For the director—Chinese film legend Tsui Hark—the whole enterprise was probably more than he bargained for.
Double Team isn't exactly disastrous—like Hark's follow up to it Knockoff—but it's not too far from it. The plot is nonsensical, the action is hectic in the worst possible ways, and the stunt doubling is flagrant.
This is probably why it bombed so badly. Double Team grossed a paltry $48.14 million on a budget of $30 million. Critics also dunked on it. It sits at 11% on Rotten Tomatoes and carries a User Score of 25%.
Those are harsh numbers. They may be fair, but they also eschew the utter awesomeness of Van Damme fighting a tiger! Oh, and Mickey Rourke is here, chewing every awful line he has! You can't not love that!
So sit back, imbibe in a 2XMas Spiced Double Ale from Southern Tier Brewing, and hack the Vatican with the cyber monks! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are fleeing spy island, so we can fight some tigers in the Roman Colosseum!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – He's a one-man arsenal... with enough voltage to rock the free world! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – The Double Turn Podcast hits a Ram Jam from the top, and then we discuss whether this movie's absurdity is enough to mask its awful script. (59:16)
The "Double Team" Trivia Challenge – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, Capt. Cash challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:10:44)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We cap off "Hops and B-List Action Star Flops" with Brandon Lee's U.S. film debut Showdown in Little Tokyo! (1:20:03)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—when Rodman ruled the world and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!
Friday Feb 18, 2022
Friday Feb 18, 2022
Firestorm, which is essentially Die Hard set amidst a forest fire, is as bad as you'd expect a movie that stars an ex-NFL player to be.
That said, it's still dumb fun, and it is anchored by another deliciously evil turn from William Forsythe. He plays Shaye—an escaped convict who engineered the fire, so he could reclaim his stashed millions.
Unfortunately for him, these are Jesse Graves' woods! Jesse, played as varying degrees of confused by Howie Long, can throw axes super well and knows his way around an inferno.
Thus, there is only one possible way for their showdown to end—with Shaye's head melted by the smoldering heat. No, seriously, that happens.
The lunacy of this film's premise is probably why it tanked financially. It grossed just $8.16 million on a budget of $30 million. Critics took a torch to it, too. With 26 reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, it sits at 12%. I mean, this isn't high art, but it feels wrong to burn poor Howie like that.
Anyway, sit back, inhale a few Ax Man Doubled Bladed IPAs from Surly Brewing, and hurl a chainsaw at a moving car! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are smoke-jumping into the blaze to bring down some convicts posing as Canadians!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Any firefighter knows that fire moves faster going uphill, and going up a hill in a fire is a good way to get trapped! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we debate who would've been the better action star: The Boz or Howie Long. (37:26)
The "Fight Fire with Fire" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast wins an Inferno Match, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (55:30)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and B-List Action Star Flops" with the unforgettable Van Damme and Rodman film, Double Team! (1:05:53)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the insanity of Forsythe's fiery death and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!
Friday Feb 11, 2022
Friday Feb 11, 2022
Stone Cold is a perfect piece of 90s cinema. It's hyper-masculine, nonsensical schlock; and it is glorious.
Starring Brian Bosworth—a stud linebacker from Oklahoma University whose injuries derailed his NFL career—Stone Cold chronicles one man's struggle to bring a gang of degenerate bikers to justice. Yes, it is as awesome as it sounds. And it's just entertaining enough that one wonders why Bosworth didn't become more of a thing.
After all, the 80s and 90s were littered with sub-par action films and actors. He had the build, and though he wasn't exactly overflowing with charisma, he still oozed enough cool with his ridiculous haircut/earring combo to warrant better work than he got after this.
He also managed not to die of laughter when filming some of the lunacy this film entailed. Lance Henricksen, who chews every piece of scenery he's in as Chains, even adds a layer of legitimacy to the proceedings. Frankly, for this to only have grossed $9.1 million on a budget of $25 million is a crime. Its poor reviews are also nonsense.
Come on, people! How many movies do we get to see William Forsythe in a leather vest with no shirt underneath!?
Now sit back, do some target practice with an Icehouse, and burn some rubber! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are going deep undercover to bring down a group of badass bikers and slang some P2P!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The Brotherhood of Bikers demands vengeance. Only one man can stop them... John Stone! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss this incredible piece of 90s cinema. (33:31)
The "Brotherhood" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast joins the Undertaker's motorcycle gang, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (48:18)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We start "Hops and B-List Action Star Flops" with Howie Long's headfirst smoke jump into action movie infamy, Firestorm! (56:49)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the legend of the Boz and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!
Friday Feb 04, 2022
Friday Feb 04, 2022
Kill the Irishman chronicles the life and turbulent times of Danny Greene, a tough Irishman who gets involved with the Cleveland mafia.
As far as gangster flicks go, it's not half-bad; but that also means it's generally half-good. That's because it's a relatively unfocused look at a rather complicated and violent life. It honestly feels like there's a good 30 minutes of connective tissue missing from the movie.
Hence why Kill the Irishman is never equal to the sum of its parts. Sure, we get appearances from great actors like Val Kilmer, Christopher Walken, and Paul Sorvino. They are just given nothing to do.
Greene, who's played by admirably by Ray Stevenson, had an incredibly compelling story to tell. It's a shame that director and screenwriter Jonathan Hensleigh didn't quite know how to do it. This is probably why it never gained much of a following and tanked at the box office. It earned a measly $1.2 million on a budget of $12 million.
Despite all that, Kill the Irishman is not without its merits. And fans of gangster movies, like myself, will find elements to enjoy. For example, Greene punching in the face of a biker who hosts parties at decibel levels discourteous to the neighbors. Honestly, he had it coming.
Now sit back, blow the caps off a couple Conway's Irish Ales from Great Lakes Brewing Co., and check under your car before firing up the engine! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Mayor McCheese, and Chumpzilla are defying death by harnessing the power of the Celtic warriors!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Is that all you got? Gonna take more than a few firecrackers to kill Danny Greene! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – The Double Turn Podcast blows up Vince McMahon's limo, and then we discuss what worked and what didn't work about this wannabe Goodfellas. (49:24)
The "So Called Mafia" Trivia Challenge – Mayor McCheese challenges the field to trivia about the movie and the wonderful city of Cleveland. (1:00:51)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We start "Hops and B-List Action Star Flops" with the Brian Bosworth biker gang classic, Stone Cold! (1:11:01)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the true story of Danny Greene and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!
Friday Jan 28, 2022
Friday Jan 28, 2022
Striking Distance is a fairly stereotypical 90s cop movie, but with a twist: Bruce Willis' hairline! From scene to scene it shifts dramatically.
Balding Bruce, which we must assume is the Bruce from the original shooting, transforms into toupee Bruce multiple times throughout the movie—sometimes from one cut to the next. It's astounding.
The wig—despite its omnipresence—is not the hook of the film, though. Striking Distance follows the downward trajectory of former homicide detective Tom Hardy. He's now a river rescue cop.
Why? Well, he sold out his partner, and was shunned by the other boys in blue. Ok, but what's the rest of the movie about? Oh, there's also a serial killer—the Polish Hill Strangler—who murders girls and dumps them in rivers.
Yes, this movie is a hot mess; and was apparently also one behind-the-scenes. Hence, it was drowned by critics (17% on Rotten Tomatoes with 24 reviews); and died hard at the box office, grossing just $24 million domestically ($77 million worldwide) on a budget of $30 million.
Willis—who was such an a-hole on set that he was dubbed "Orson Willis"—disowned Striking Distance in the early 2000s. The wig, however, still feels its his finest performance.
Now sit back, toss back a few Iron City Lights from Pittsburgh Brewing Co., and be on the lookout for barge pirates! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Mayor McCheese, and Chumpzilla are vying for the title of "best cop"!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – They shouldn't have put him in the water, if they didn't want him to make waves! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – The Double Turn Podcast challenges us to a "Toupee on a Pole" match and then we debate what, if anything, could've saved this movie. (52:40)
The "Let Me Rephrase That" Trivia Challenge – We hear from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, and then Capt. Cash hosts trivia about the movie. (1:05:25)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We finish "Hops and Hometown Flops" in the mean streets of Cleveland with Kill the Irishman! (1:17:49)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the slew of behind-the-scenes issues and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!
Friday Jan 21, 2022
Friday Jan 21, 2022
Road House is everything an action movie should be. Its premise is over the top, its plot is utterly nonsensical, and none of the people involved seem to be aware of it.
Starring Patrick Swayze, who was fresh off of Dirty Dancing, Road House presents the all too relatable plot of: What if you're a doorman in a small town run by a vengeful crook? Well, if you're Dalton (Swayze), you beat the snot out of a lot of people while wearing pleated pants and billowy linen shirts.
That's Road House in a nut shell. Brad Wesley—played by a scenery chewing Ben Gazzara—makes it his personal mission to destroy Dalton's life, as well as the Double Deuce's business prospects. Why? Who the hell knows. And it's better to just not ask.
We're here to watch Dalton and his mentor Wade Garrett (Sam Elliot) dish out beatings to Wesley's cronies. And Road House relishes delivering them!
So sit back, chug a Busch Beer, and dance on a table! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are being nice up until it's time to rip out some throats!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The dancing is over. Now, it gets dirty! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – We hear from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA and then debate which of us would fare the best in the mayhem of the Double Deuce. (34:13)
The "Pain Don't Hurt" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast breaks a table with Terry Funk, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (48:57)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Hometown Flops" on the rivers of Pittsburgh with Striking Distance! (57:55)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the potential remake of Road House and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!