Hops and Box Office Flops

The Alamo – Remember It

The Alamo, directed by John Lee Hancock, is a historical look at the tragic storming of the mission turned fort in 1836 Texas.
Though the film boasts incredible sets, well shot historical action, and a wonderful ensemble, it was a box office dud. In fact, it is one of the biggest bombs in history, losing an estimated $146 million. That's nearly 10 Louisiana Purchases.
Critics didn't help its prospects. Sitting at 29% on Rotten Tomatoes with 159 reviews, their consensus was unkind. We, unfortunately, have to agree. Outside of Billy Bob Thornton as Davy Crockett, 2004's The Alamo is bereft of personality.
It doesn't help that the film is attempting to sell you on characters who are generally written about as being disreputable.
The one thing The Alamo does excel at is showing the viewer how dire their situation was. In essence, these 200 or so men were left to die; and the siege on the fort is appropriately harrowing.
So, sit back, load a Wild West Wheat from Tombstone Brewing into your beer cannon, and always account for the wind! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are firing up our fiddles to spite Santa Ana's army.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – You will never forget. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we assess where this movie went wrong. (34:53)
The "Remember the Alamo" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast jumps corner to corner like Davy Crockett across the Mississippi, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the history of Texas. (57:16)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We begin "Hops and Hunting Ground Flops" with the uninspiring sequel to one of cinema's greatest action movies, Predator 2! (1:04:40)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—how a mission became a pivotal fort and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

The Last Duel – Misogynistic Gladiators

Ridley Scott's  The Last Duel depicts the final trial by combat in 14th Century France. The titular duel involved Knight Jean de Carrouges (Matt Damon) and Squire Jacques le Gris (Adam Driver), battling over le Gris' alleged rape of Carrouges' wife Marguerite (Jodie Comer).
Yes, folks, this is a heavy movie, but it is also a very good one. The sets, the costumes, the acting—which includes a wonderfully sleezy performance from Ben Affleck as Count Pierre d'Alençon—and the action are all top notch. This is Scott at the top of his historical storytelling game.
Sadly, though, The Last Duel flopped. Hard. As in, it lie dying as an angry Matt Damon yelled at it to CONFESS.
On a budget of $100 million, it grossed a puny $30.6 million. With stellar reviews (85% on Rotten Tomatoes with 283 of them) and awards buzz, The Last Duel deserved far better.
This isn't only interesting history, it's important history. And its principle story is shockingly relevant to today. Thus, we highly recommend that you see it.
So, sit back, impale a 1985 Voodoo Ranger IPA from New Belgium Brewing with your lance, and never trust the nefarious Jacques le Gris! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK) and Capt. Cash are clanging swords to the delight of "Mad" King Charles VI.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The true story of a woman who defied a nation and made history. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – The Double Turn Podcast borrows Drew McIntyre's sword to partake in the melee, and then we discuss why this may have flopped. (40:42)
Recommendations – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we offer our picks for the week and next up: We finish "Hops and Period Piece Flops" with an ode to the finest fiddler in all of Texas and his amazing adventures, The Alamo! (52:44)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the true history of the duel and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Almost Heroes – Drinking Has Its Benefits

Almost Heroes is the final leading role of comedy legend Chris Farley. Five months prior to its release, he tragically died of an overdose.
With that dark cloud hanging over the film, it's not altogether surprising it suffered at the box office. On a budget of $30 million, it grossed just $6.1 million. Its 5% rating on Rotten Tomatoes probably didn't help either.
For fans of Farley's work, though, there are things to be enjoyed about Almost Heroes. His trademark high energy and willful disregard for his body on are full display; and the gags are often quite comical as a result.
So, Almost Heroes may not be peak Farley, but it does provide enough for you to wistfully remember his immense talent. 
Now, sit back, battle the legendary Gumerboo West Coast IPA from Rogue Brewing, and keep the straw women away from the fire! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and a special guest are headed toward the Pacific on a mission from President Thomas Jefferson.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Almost history... Almost legends... Mostly ridiculous! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss all things Farley. (24:26)
The "Pittsburgh Nellie" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast escapes the raging rapids, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (43:42)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Period Piece Flops" with Ridley Scott's slept-on epic, The Last Duel! (54:28)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—Farley's SNL legacy and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword – Arthur Begins

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword is a dramatic reimagining of the Arthurian legend. It is also evokes much of its director's hallmark traits. This is Guy Ritchie's take on King Arthur, for better and for worse.
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword was a gamble. Budgeted at $175 million and with five sequels planned, WB had franchise desires in mind for it. With that much at stake, it's odd they would butcher the edit of the film.
Legend of the Sword, for all its insane visuals and Ritchie flair, is a narrative mess. It zooms from plot point to plot point, replacing essential connective tissue with bizarrely narrated montages. It feels like the movie is playing in 1.5x speed.
Couple that with a bland lead (Charlie Hunnam as the titular king) and villain (Jude Law's Vortigern), who's essentially evil because the film requires it, and there's not much to get behind.
Hence why it flopped as hard as a movie can and was lambasted by critics. Legend of the Sword didn't even recoup its production budget, grossing just $148.7 million worldwide; and it sits at 31% on Rotten Tomatoes with 278 reviews.
Yet, there is still some things to be appreciated. When King Arthur goes full King Arthur, the effects are rather spectacular. That alone is worth the price of admission.
Now, sit back, bow to the king of beers—Budweiser—and warg into a giant snake! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK) and Chumpzilla are debating the merits of sacrificing someone to the tentacle lady.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Raised on the streets. Born to be king! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss why this movie failed. (29:05)
The "Londinium Calling" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast snatches the sword from the stone, and then Chumpzilla challenges me to trivia about the movie. (39:12)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Period Piece Flops" with Chris Farley's final leading role, Almost Heroes! (49:43)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the sequels that never were and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Dracula Dead and Loving It – Mister, Mister

Dracula Dead and Loving It is a typical Mel Brooks movie. It's a spoof of Bram Stoker's Dracula that's light on plot, but full of goofy gags and childish humor.
Unfortunately, it lacks the biting wit of most Brooks films. Despite the unending charms of comedy legend Leslie Nielsen, who portrays the titular Count, too many of the jokes simply do not land.
Critics tend to agree. At 11% on Rotten Tomatoes with 37 reviews this is far from peak Brooks.
Sure, there are subtle hints of his brilliance, but not enough to make it stand out. Hence why it also flopped, grossing a woeful $10.7 million on a budget of $30 million.
Now, sit back, satiate your bloodlust with a Dark Truth Imperial Stout from Boulevard Brewing, and don't rely on Renfield! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Mayor McCheese, and Chumpzilla are attending our first staking! Should we wear raincoats?
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Got Blood? (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss what worked/didn't work about this movie. (39:14)
The "Carfax Abbey" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast wins a Crucifix Match, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (57:25)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We kick off "Hops and Period Piece Flops" with King Arthur: Legend of the Sword! (1:09:18)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the spoof legend that is Leslie Nielsen and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Morbius – It’s Morbin’ Time!

Morbius is perhaps the most needless comic book movie ever made. Centered around a D-level Spider-Man villain, it lacks several crucial ingredients.
First and foremost, Spider-Man is not in Morbius. In fact, contrary to what the trailers will have you believe, he's barely even mentioned.
Thus, it's just a film about an anti-hero who's uninteresting. That would be fine if the plot, script, acting, action, or anything, quite frankly, worked.
Morbius is a mess. Both the titular vampire and his plot conveniently evil foil, Milo, are paper thin caricatures.
Milo, or Lucian played by Matt Smith, is bad because Morbius needs someone to fight. His actions, and that of the plot at large, have zero context. This looks, feels, and plays like a superhero flick from the early 2000s.
And the fact that it flopped twice doesn't bode well for Sony's burgeoning Spider-Man universe. It's reviews, equally appalling, don't lend much credibility to the prospect either.
Now, sit back, suck a Baby Shark IPA from Aslin Beer Co. dry, and dance shirtless without a care! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are morbin' as hard as anyone has ever morbed!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The line between hero and villain will be broken! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we metaphorically stake this film in its hollow, black heart. (49:33)
The "Morbin's Time" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast throws synthetic blood into our eyes, and then Capt. Cash challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (59:12)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We finish off "Hops and Blood Sucking Flops" with Mel Brooks' Dracula Dead and Loving It! (1:09:11)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—how it fell on its face at the box office again and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Vampire in Brooklyn – Toothless

Vampire in Brooklyn is the antithesis of funny. Worse, it's not at all scary either.
When assessing who was involved in its production, neither of those statements should be true. Directed by horror master Wes Craven and principally written by Eddie Murphy (the film's star), the pedigree was there for it to be a comedic-scare fest.
Instead, it's a muddled and confused mess that too often borders on the offensive.
Murphy certainly attempts to run back some gags that worked in the past, but they're all half-baked. The whole exercise just feels lazy. Listeners, there's just no blood running through Vampire in Brooklyn's veins.
Hence its soft box office—$35 million worldwide on a budget of $14 million; and its abysmal reviews—12% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Now, sit back, sink your teeth into a Deftones Phantom Bride IPA from Belching Beaver, and remember that evil is good! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK) and Chumpzilla are just a couple of playboy vampires from the Caribbean looking to have a good time in NYC!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – A comic tale of horror and seduction! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss what—if anything—from this film was funny. (30:54)
The "Evil Ass" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast arises after being buried alive, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (35:42)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Blood Sucking Flops" with the much maligned Morbius! (43:44)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—Murphy's wig issues and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Gallow Walkers – Bladey the Kid

Gallow Walkers is wild west Blade, only if Blade was terrible and went straight to DVD.
With a $17 million budget, that probably wasn't the plan. But, shit happens and Gallow Walkers is indeed that unsavory term. It's sort of a shame because the movie isn't devoid of interesting ideas.
It just executes them poorly, is stuffed with an insane amount of backstory for a 90-minute film, and boasts costumes and sets that look to be straight out of a local theater production. And it doesn't help that the plot makes very little sense.
Wesley Snipes is Aman ("a man"), a drifter who roams the wasteland murdering Gallow Walkers (the undead, sort of). One problem: Anyone he kills comes back from the dead. What? Why? Well, his mom, who's a witch, made a deal with the Devil (?) after he was shot avenging the love of his life. I'm not making any of this up; and yes, listeners, in some awful corner of the multiverse, this movie would perpetuate itself until the end of time.
Anyway, this was filmed during Snipes' issues with the law, which resulted in it sitting on a shelf for years. It even features a fake Snipes doing VO exposition. As comically bad as that is, it's somehow not even the worst part of the movie.
Now, sit back, quench your thirst with a Dreamland American Lager from Rogue Brewing, and make sure to remove the heads of the dead! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Capt. Cash are filing Snipes' taxes to ensure this never happens again!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Live by the gun. Die by the gun. Come back for more! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we try to make sense of this mess. (26:42)
The "Whore of Babylon" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast gets resurrected after their Casket Match, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (35:42)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Blood Sucking Flops" with Vampire in Brooklyn! (43:44)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—are there any—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice – Knuckle Bump

The Sorcerer's Apprentice is an ode to Disney's 1940 film Fantasia.
Born from an idea Nicolas Cage had, it builds an entire mythos from that brief section of the aforementioned film.
Balthazar Blake, Cage, is a sorcerer searching for the rightful heir to Merlin—his former master.
He was given a ring by the legendary wizard as he lie dying. That ring will signal the chosen one, who happens to be a bumbling nerd, Dave (played by Jay Baruchel).
Anyway, it's all fairly silly and dumb, but also decently fun. That is thanks in part to Alfred Molina's Horvath—the sorcerer who betrayed Merlin and Balthazar, aligning himself with the evil Morgana. The repartee between he and Cage is worth the hour and 40 minutes alone.
But alas, for critics, the dumb outweighed the fun. The Sorcerer's Apprentice, which reunited Cage with National Treasure director Jon Turteltaub, sits at just 40% on Rotten Tomatoes with 173 reviews.
Viewers failed to see its magic, too. They scored it a 53%. Thus, its $215.3 million box office isn't all that shocking. On a budget of $150 million, its failure to cast a sequel isn't surprising either.
Now, sit back, let your tastebuds conjure some magic from a Japanese Green Tea IPA from Stone Brewing, and don't touch anything! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Capt. Cash are firing plasma bolts and wearing our finest old man shoes!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – A job so great, it's magic! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we debate whether this film's fantastical battles reign supreme over similar competition. (52:24)
The "Primer Merlinian" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast gets locked in the Grimhold, and then Capt. Cash challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (59:51)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We begin "Hops and Blood Sucking Flops" with Gallowwalkers! (1:06:42)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the movie's inspiration and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!