Hops and Box Office Flops

Hellraiser IV: Bloodline – Written by a Pinhead

Hellraiser IV: Bloodline is a typical late 80s/early 90s horror sequel; as in, it's a cash grab. Sure, it takes Pinhead and his Cenobite minions to space (sort of), but it has nothing truly unique to offer to the series' lore.
And the space element, which was so popular amongst fledgling horror franchises that we're dedicating an entire month to it, isn't even present the majority of the film. Hellraiser IV revolves much more around its subtitle, "Bloodline."
It chronicles the history of Lemarchand's Box, the puzzle box that unlocks the gateway to Hell, covering its original design by French toymaker Philip Lemarchand, through its ultimate use to lock the portal forever.
In between, we get the story of another of Lemarchand's descendants, an architect whose latest building is essentially a giant version of the 'Lament Configuration' or "The Box of Sorrows."
Of course, it wouldn't be a Hellraiser film unless the horrors of the box were unleashed, and they are in each era. But, sadly, for us, the viewers, the only thing that follows is the equivalent of cinematic torture.
Hellraiser IV looks and feels cheap; is devoid of scares; and isn't even so bad, it's actually fun. It's just plain bad. Certainly, diminishing quality is a hallmark of horror sequels during this era, but this thing is a total mess and not just because of all the guts it spills.
Anyway, Adam Scott is here as a horny Frenchman who's into the occult! So, sit back, sink your hooks into a Tank Dog Hazy Imperial IPA from New Realm Brewing Co., and stop fumbling with that godforsaken cube! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Mayor McCheese, and Chumpzilla are dancing with the devil and celebrating the fall of capitalism in space with Tim Curry!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – This year, the past, the present and the future will all meet at the crossroads of Hell! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – The Double Turn Podcast enters the Chamber of Horrors with Pinhead, and then we attempt to tackle the convoluted, era-spanning nonsense of Hellraiser IV. (46:06)
The "Jesus Wept!" Trivia Challenge – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the series. (1:04:42)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Cosmic Terror Flops" with Leprechaun 4. (1:18:11)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the best Cenobites in Hellraiser history and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Death to Smoochy – Gluten and Laugh Free

Death to Smoochy is a black comedy about the ills of child television programming and its clear exploitation of kids for monetary gain.
The concept is ripe for the picking. Sadly, Death to Smoochy's execution of it is lacking. Neither funny, nor particularly compelling, its a movie devoid of all the essential ingredients of a good comedy. The characters—played at least with enthusiasm by Robin Williams as Rainbow Randolph and Edward Norton, the titular Smoochy—are generally unlikeable.
Randolph, who goes through a sort of awakening after losing his prime TV spot, just sort of sucks; and considering none of his self-reflection ever involves acknowledging he was fired for good reason, I'm not sure the point of it.
Throw in a needless and bizarre romance angle, multiple mob sub-plots, Jon Stewart's weird haircut, and a character whose brain damage is played for laughs, and you get one of the more mediocre enterprises of the early 2000s.
Hence why it flopped, earning $8.3 million on a budget of $50 million (Why was it that high?); and why it earned poor reviews, 42% on Rotten Tomatoes with 119 of them.
Anyway, there are a couple of good jokes. So, sit back, plot revenge while sipping a Brotherly Love Hazy IPA from Victory Brewing, and remember: Your stepdad isn't mean ... He's just adjusting! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are all auditioning to be backup skaters in Smoochy on Ice!
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – It's a kids show... with gangsters, bribery, and corruption! (00:00)
Lingering Questions – The Double Turn Podcast has a Tornado Tag versus Smoochy and Rainbow Randolph, and then we discuss how a Robin Williams movie could be so unfunny. (32:16)
The "It's a Rocket Ship!" Trivia Challenge – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, Capt. Cash challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (39:46)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We begin "Hops and Cosmic Terror Flops" with Hellraiser IV: Bloodline. (51:10)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—history of taking kids entertainment to the ice and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

47 Ronin – Ronin with My Homies

47 Ronin is a Hollywood-sized retelling of a famous Japanese legend. It's full of mystical CGI beasts and absurd witchcraft. Why? Who the hell really knows, but apparently the executives wanted something in the vein of the Hobbit movies.
Yes, a recurring theme on this pod is that too often the people running the studio let their bad ideas seep into the product. 47 Ronin did not need a monstrous budget to be captivating. The actual history is interesting enough. It's more an indictment of American audiences to think authentic Japanese history wouldn't capture their attention.
Anyway, when you spend close to $225 million on what should be a straightforward tale of avenging samurai, it's a good bet you won't recoup your costs. It's also safe to assume that an abundance of fantastical nonsense will distract from the heart of the story.
Both of these ended up being true. The core ronin sadly take a backseat to a silly, nonsensical romance subplot and over-the-top green screen.
Hence, when 47 Ronin committed metaphorical seppuku at the box office, grossing a puny $151.8 million worldwide, they had no one to blame but themselves. Critics were just as unkind. With 90 reviews, it carries a 16% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Is it truly that bad? Not really, there's some fun to be had; but the strains of it being pulled by the competing visions of the director and the studio are painfully apparent.
So, sit back, pop the top on a Hitachino Nest White Ale, and beware of what lurks in the Tengu Forest! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK) and Chumpzilla—with katanas in hand—have vowed to avenge our fallen lord.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – There is a legend of 47 warriors who seized eternity. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss who was the better samurai, Keanu Reeves or Tom Cruise. (30:49)
The "Die with Honor" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast is thrown into the pit to survive, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (42:36)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We conclude "Hops and Star Powered Flops" with Death to Smoochy. (52:19)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the true story behind the legend and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music, and more!

Prince of Persia – The Lion of Central Casting

Disney's Prince of Persia was a bold endeavor. With a $185 million price tag, it shattered the ceiling for video game adaptation budgets. The House of Mouse made a bet, and it was a big one.
Unfortunately, it was also a bad one. The Prince of Persia franchise is popular, but general audiences have rarely flocked to movies based on games. Thus, despite it being the most successful of the bunch—grossing $336.4 million worldwide—its receipts weren't enough to warrant a sequel.
Poor reviews, 37% on Rotten Tomatoes, coupled with a soft domestic opening, under $91 million, doomed its franchise prospects.
What it's really remembered for, though, is its bizarre decision to cast Jake Gyllenhaal as the titular Prince of Persia. In fact, the majority of the major players are white, rendering this just another tone deaf Hollywood endeavor.
Now, sit back, uncork a Pumpkin Ale, and hop on an ostrich! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are rewinding time to nudge the casting director for this film in a more appropriate direction.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Defy the Future. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss what wrong with this movie—whitewashing, of course. (36:43)
The "Sands of Time" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast does some parkour to warm up, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (51:50)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Star Powered Flops" with 47 Ronin. (59:36)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the odd demand for a sequel and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music and more!

Gangster Squad – La La Confidential

Gangster Squad never equals the sum of its parts. Featuring a stacked cast—Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling, and Emma Stone, to name a few—it's never more than a middling mob flick.
And that's a problem. Why? Well, there are dozens of films in this genre, many of which capitalize on their premise far more than this does.
Gangster Squad is essentially a 21st Century Untouchables without any of the style or substance that made that movie so great.
Thus, despite strong efforts from the aforementioned cast, the material is never elevated. Hence why critics hated it, 30% on Rotten Tomatoes with 207 reviews; and audiences avoided it.  On a budget of $75 million, it grossed just over $105 million worldwide.
One wouldn't move up very high on the ladder of underworld henchmen with those sorts of receipts.
So, sit back, peel the cap off a Blah Blah Blah IPA from 21st Amendment Brewery, and live dangerously in the City of Angels! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Mayor McCheese, and Chumpzilla are putting together a team of unflappable lawmen to take on the mob.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – You lose everything and you win the war, you're a hero. You lose everything and you lose the war, you're just a fool. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss the exact moment Sean Penn believed he'd win the Oscar for this. (37:26)
The "Alcatraz" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast rumbles in a Chinatown "Street Fight," and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (58:19)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Star Powered Flops" with the woefully miscast Prince of Persia. (1:08:39)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the controversy with the film's first trailer and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, Amazon Music and more!

Prey – Do Not Kill the Dog

Prey reignites the Predator franchise in the best ways possible. It's more contained—focusing on the story and characters, rather than feeling the need to go bigger. It's the hit the series desperately needed.
After a slew of middling to outright mediocre sequels (and sidequels), Prey optimizes the formula for the alien hunter's antics. It takes the creature back in time—the northwest plains in 1719—and utilizes the incredible landscapes to set a tone and atmosphere the films have been missing.
This is Naru's journey just as much as it is the Predator's. She, like the extraterrestrial, is out to prove herself. That is the heartbeat of the movie—one woman's quest to demonstrate her worth as a hunter in the eyes of her tribe.
Hence why Naru (Amber Midthunder) is the best protagonist we've had since cigar-chewing Dutch in the 1987 original.
Yet, a Predator movie cannot be complete without some murderous mayhem. And there is plenty of cannon fodder to be had. Prey gives us gore by the bucket load. The mandible menace has never been more intimidating or dangerous than in this movie. And when it wipes out an entire horde of folks, it does so in incredibly gruesome and satisfying ways.
Simply put, Prey is a must-watch for fans of the franchise. So, sit back, crush a can of Hop Venom from Boneyard Beer, and cheer on the Predator as he massacres some French fur trappers! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Mayor McCheese, and Chumpzilla are doing our best to avoid getting snared in any of the Predator's excruciatingly brutal man-traps.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – It knows how to hunt, but we know how to survive. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss where in time we'd like the Predator to head next. (28:03)
The "Kuhtaamia" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast loses a "First Blood" match to a bear, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (45:51)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We begin "Hops and Star Powered Flops" with the excellently casted, but poorly scripted flop Gangster Squad. (56:17)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the original cast's love for this movie and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Predators – Crazy Larry’s Den of Alien Antiquities

Predators is the ideal set up for a sequel to the 1987 original. It includes a cast of eclectic mercenaries being pursued by the titular create. Only this time, there are three of them, and it's on their home turf.
Yes, Predators takes us back to lush jungles, which, honestly, are a much more interesting backdrop for the hunt than either LA or a small town.
Yet, the setting is not the only good idea this movie brings to the table. You've got a Predator blood feud; the conceit that all the nefarious characters dropped into this scenario are on a game preserve; and the loony survivor who's stuck on the planet.
Where Predators is lacking is in its execution. It's not a bad film, by any means; it's just one that could've benefitted from a little more style to its rule of cool.
Hence why the reviews were just lukewarm—65% on Rotten Tomatoes with 205 of them; and audiences didn't flock to cinemas for it. It grossed $52 million domestically ($127 worldwide) on a budget of $40 million.
Those numbers are quite possibly a reflection of the godawful Alien vs Predator movies that came before it, too.
Anyway, sit back, booby trap a Cosmic Crown Belgian-Style Golden Ale from Cigar City Brewing, and stay away from the Danny Trap-jo! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and a special guest are hanging with Larry Fishburne and his imaginary best friend.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The most dangerous killers on the planet... but this is not our planet. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss which fictional character we'd like the Predator to scrap with. (49:57)
The "Predators" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast hides underneath some foliage to win the Predator Royal Rumble, and then Capt. Cash challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:13:00)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We conclude "Hops and Hunting Ground Flops" with the franchise's triumphant return Prey. (1:22:10)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the sequel that never was and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

The Predator – Leaking Spinal Fluid

Fans of the franchise, like us, now doubt had high hopes for Shane Black's The Predator. Black, who'd appeared in the original as Hawkins and even served as a script doctor on set, is a legend of action movie scriptwriting.
The Predator, unfortunately, fails in almost every way. The humor is overwritten and overstuffed; the characters are thin and generally unlikeable; the plot makes no sense; and the scars of tumultuous reshoots are painfully evident.
The third act seems to connect to an entirely different movie. That makes sense because they did have to reconfigure the whole thing after poor test screenings. But, it renders The Predator a film with no identity.
Hence why it failed to reignite the franchise. It earned just $160.5 million on a budget of $88 million; and its reviews were scathing. At 33% on Rotten Tomatoes with 296 of them, this was not the return to form fans were hoping for.
It is gory, though, so that's a plus.
Now, sit back, evolve your tastebuds with a Summer Love Ale from Victory Brewing, and never play fetch with the Predator's dog! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are on prison transport bus to the loony bin.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – You'll never see him coming. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss ideas for a better Predator sequel. (41:32)
The "Apex Predator" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast goes toe-to-toe with the Upgrade, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (58:45)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Hunting Ground Flops" with 2010's Predators. (1:08:27)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—how this movie was hacked to pieces and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Predator 2 – Pred Harder

Predator 2 isn't a bad movie; it's just a disappointing one. That's mainly because it pales in comparison to its predecessor, failing to up the ante in any meaningful way.
Sure, there is more gore and curse words, but the narrative is a mess. Predator 2 is just an amalgamation of better movies from the genre with the adversarial alien added to the mix.
That works just enough for it not to be a total disaster. But, its failure at the box office can certainly be attributed to its slapdash plot and haphazard direction.
Aside from a missing in action Arnold, the most glaring weaknesses of Predator 2 are in the execution of its production. The pedigree just wasn't the same.
Hence why its box office ($57.1 million) and reviews (30% on Rotten Tomatoes) lagged behind the first.
But, hey, at least the director, Stephen Hopkins, was smart enough not to cast Steven Seagal as the lead.
So, sit back, slice the cap off a Red Stripe with your Smart Disc, and head to the meat packing plant buffet! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Mayor McCheese, and Chumpzilla are rolling with King Willie and his heinous henchmen.
This Week’s Segments:
Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Silent. Invisible. Invincible. He's in town with a few days to kill. (00:00)
Lingering Questions – After a word from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, we discuss where this failed to stack up to the 1987 classic. (51:23)
The "More Victims, More Mutilation" Trivia Challenge – The Double Turn Podcast wins a "First Blood" match against Danny Glover, and then Chumpzilla challenges the field to trivia about the movie. (1:10:39)
Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Hunting Ground Flops" with Shane Black's misguided return to the property, The Predator. (1:23:48)
And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—this movie's nearly disastrous lead and more—from this week’s episode!
You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!