Snake Eyes – Crapped Out

Snake Eyes continues the unfortunate legacy of the legendary G.I. Joe toys on film. As in, it's not particularly good, nor was it successful.

Snake Eyes, like many films nowadays, is meant to serve as an origin story for its titular hero, but also as an introduction to a larger universe. We get appearances from Cobra's Baroness, as well as the classic Joe Scarlett. The issue is they don't necessarily fit. They are crammed into what's already a messy film.

Thus, they are shortchanged and underdeveloped. What is developed is the film's inability to make Snake Eyes, played by Henry Golding, particularly endearing. From the jump, his motivations and behavior establish him as almost a villain, especially when compared to Tommy, future Storm Shadow (Andrew Koji).

In more trustworthy hands, Snake Eyes' dilemma and traitorous actions may have seemed tortured, something the audience could empathize with. The script here just doesn't allow for that. Instead, he comes across as a jerk for nearly the entire runtime. It's honestly one of the stranger attempts at a Hero's Journey I've ever seen.

Couple that with a shaky cam that even Paul Greengrass would find offensive, a MacGuffin too stupid for even Cobra Commander to want, and a gaggle of giant snakes not murdering Jon Voigt, you've got yourself a fairly painful night at the movies.

Critics and audiences seem to agree. With 170 reviews, it sits at 36% on Rotten Tomatoes; and it grossed a measly $40.1 million on a budget ranging from $88 to $110 million. That, folks, is disastrous.

Anyway, now you know and knowing is half the battle. So sit back, kanpai with an Asahi Super Dry, and don't jump into the snake pit! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Capt. Cash are overstuffing fish with guns for the Yakuza!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Seems like an odd choice to make Snake Eyes the least likable character in your Snake Eyes movie. (00:00)
• Lingering Questions – We hear from our brothers in beer at Hop Nation USA, and then we offer our ideas for which cartoon episode or arc would make a great movie. (33:20)
• The "Three Challenges of the Warrior" Quiz – The Double Turn Podcast gets DQ'd because of outside interference, and then I challenge the field to trivia about the movie. (56:23)
• Recommendations – We offer our picks for the week and next up: We continue "Hops and Attempted Franchise Flops" with the beloved 90s flick The Rocketeer! (1:06:21)

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the Hasbro Movie Universe and more—from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

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